I'm safe inside the light, so go on do your worst
by Emjen Enla
Summary: [Complete] Elhokar was a failure at everything he'd ever done. He'd failed as a son, as a warrior and as a king. He saw no reason to fail as a Knight Radiant too. Or the one where Elhokar swears to the first Ideal at the end of WoK.
1. Part One

**I don't own the Stormlight Archive. Title is from "Stronger Than You Think" by Fireflight, but per usual its an "I'm going to post this so I better title it" title, so I might change it if I come up with something better.**

 **I've been working on this for a while and I originally planned it post it in one part. However, last night I realized that I already have over 13,000 words and a ways to go so I figured that I should split it up to make it more manageable. I'm planning on three parts, but whenever I say stuff like that I always end up changing it so we'll see.**

 **NOTE: This story is not particularly Dalinar friendly. This is partially a function of Elhokar's POV, however this story does deal heavily with that scene between Dalinar and Elhokar in Chapter 69 of WoK and its aftermath. That scene is easily the most horrible thing Dalinar has done outside of flashbacks and it's not something that can be ignored especially when writing about Elhokar. Be aware that while I as the author do not believe that Dalinar hates Elhokar and attacks him in a conscious effort to intimidate him into giving over more power, I do find the way Dalinar acts in that scene inexcusable and do not particularly like him as a result.**

* * *

Elhokar Kholin was not sure how old he was when he realized that he was not the kind of son his father wanted.

That's not to say that in the years since the birth of his first child, Gavilar Kholin had not calmed down considerably, but he was still ultimately the kind of man who decided in his twenties that he deserved to rule more than everyone else and had gone out and wrought bloody havok on anyone who disagreed.

Elhokar was nothing like his father. Bloody conquest held no appeal to him. Of course, Jasnah had no interest in bloody conquest either, but she was Jasnah and she was not going to be king someday.

It wasn't that Gavilar ever outright said that he was disappointed in Elhokar, it was just that nothing Elhokar did seemed to ever be quite right. As the years went by, Elhokar became terrified of his father figuring out exactly how not quite right he was.

He'd tried to explain the feeling to Jasnah once in his teenage years. Jasnah had listened quietly while he forced himself to get the words out. He'd hated how difficult it was. He'd always had difficulties talking to people, but he normally didn't have a problem talking to Jasnah.

"You care too much what other people think about you," she'd said when he finally finished. "You'll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking like that. Who cares if you're not exactly what Father thinks he wants? You'll be a much better king than Dalinar would ever be. Just stop worrying about it."

 _How?_ Elhokar wanted to ask. _Everyone always says just stop worrying like it's so easy. Please tell me what the secret is!_

But he didn't ask. He loved Jasnah more than practically anyone else alive, but she was a hard person to live up to. Elhokar did not want her to think him any weaker than she no doubt already did.

That did not stop him from wishing he had asked for literally years.

* * *

The first time Elhokar saw the dark figure in the mirror behind, he screamed for his uncle. Not his finest moment, admittedly, but Dalinar always seemed to know what to do when Elhokar didn't. Not to mention that Dalinar had never tried to take the throne for himself even though everyone knew he could have easily so Elhokar had always figure he could trust him.

At Elhokar's request, Dalinar searched the entire room and all the exits. He found nothing. The guards said that no one had entered or left.

"There's nothing here, Elhokar," Dalinar said in that horrible, patronizing tone of voice he used whenever he thought Elhokar was overreacting.

Elhokar wanted to scream. This was not like the times when he knew there was no one in his chambers but he needed someone else to confirm it before his overactive mind would believe it. He knew for a fact that he had seen something real in that mirror. Something had been here. He'd been in danger and Dalinar refused to believe him.

He almost asked Dalinar how he expected to keep his nephew and king alive if he was just going to shrug off threats, but then he saw the look on Dalinar's face, the one that said he thought Elhokar was being irrational and not acting as a king should. Elhokar's frustration crumpled into shame. He knew he was a bad king, he knew he was ruining Alethkar. His paranoia was pointless; he should be able to control his anxiousness. He was supposed to be stronger than this.

He sent Dalinar away and spent the night curled up in the center of his huge bed jumping at shadows and too afraid to close his eyes.

* * *

"You look tired," Jasnah said the night before she was to leave the Shattered Plains and go back to hunting in libraries for something she never talked about.

"I'm fine," Elhokar said shortly. Once, years ago, back when he wasn't a king with duties and image to uphold, he might have told her how he saw the dark shape everytime he looked in the mirror, how it hovered malevolently behind him like it was debating whether or not to kill him. He might have admitted that he couldn't sleep and felt like he was constantly on the verge of panic. He couldn't tell anyone those things now, if the warlords figured out their king was losing his mind, Elhokar would lose his head and he did not want to die.

"Are you sure?" Jasnah asked in the slightly stiff tone she always used when she was trying to show concern. Things like concern were for mortals, which Jasnah wasn't. "Dalinar said that you've been flighty recently. What's been making you so anxious?"

"The same things as always," Elhokar said, which wasn't completely untrue. He was still worrying about assassins and failing and looking like a fool in front of the infinitely more poised men he was supposed to leading, he was just worrying about a shadowy figure stalking him too.

"Elhokar," Jasnah said a sigh coloring her words. "We've talked about this before. None of that matters."

"Yes, well I'm sorry that I can't just logic away my emotions like you can!" Elhokar snapped a well of frustration he hadn't even realized he was carrying around boiling over.

Jasnah blinked which was how Elhokar knew he'd actually managed to surprise her. Instantly he felt terrible about it. What if Jasnah took so much offense to what he'd said that she never spoke to him again? "I'm sorry," he muttered, looking away and fiddling with the hem of his coat. "I spoke without thinking. I didn't mean any offense."

"Elhokar…" Jasnah set her covered safehand gently on his shoulder. It was a show of intimacy that was comforting even though he knew she only did it because she'd knew people thought it was comforting. Social interaction was as unnatural to Jasnah as self-confidence was to Elhokar. "It's fine," she said "You were right. I was being condescending. You don't need to apologize."

Elhokar stared down at his knees and studied the way Jasnah's shadow fell across them and the floor, stretching towards the fireplace.

 _Wait a minute..._

Elhokar looked a second time, but Jasnah's shadow really was, impossibly, pointing towards the fireplace. Slowly he raised he his head and met Jasnah's eyes. "Jasnah?" he asked. "What's going on with your shadow?"

Jasnah went rigid. Elhokar watched her look from his face to her shadow and back again. She displayed no fear or shock at the impossibility; she'd already known about it. He watched as she realized there was no way to convince him that he hadn't seen what he thought he had. He was thankful that she at least didn't think he was that stupid.

"You can't tell anyone, Elhokar," she said. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone."

"Of course, I won't," Elhokar said. "You can trust me, Jasnah. You always have been able to."

The corner of her mouth quirked in the closest thing to a gentle smile Elhokar had ever seen on her. "Thank you."

Again, Elhokar thought about telling her about the creature who lurked in the mirrors, but stopped himself at the last minute. Just because Jasnah's shadow went the wrong direction, didn't mean that Elhokar was really seeing something in the mirror. He was probably still going crazy.

* * *

From that moment onward, every time Elhokar saw the shadow in the mirror or out of the corner of his eye he took a moment to stop and tell himself that he was seeing things and that there wasn't really anything there. He had assumed that directly confronting the falseness of the hallucination would make it go away, but it didn't. It remained stubbornly where it was.

Every time he saw it, Elhokar thought about calling Dalinar and admitting that he was seeing things, but something always held him back. Dalinar was Elhokar's only protection against assassination, and he already probably thought Elhokar was weak and a bad king. What would happen if Elhokar admitted that his mind was failing? Perhaps Dalinar would decide that Alethkar would be better off with a different king and would withdrawn his protection. The logical side of Elhokar didn't really believe that, but the idea of being abandoned to his fate frightened him too much to risk it.

He wasn't sure exactly when the constant reminders that what he was seeing wasn't real stopped working, but eventually he found himself looking into the mirror at the shadow on the far wall and wondering if maybe there really was something there. Maybe he wasn't seeing things. Maybe he was being stalked. Maybe he was in danger.

Fully aware that even considering that the shadow might be real was a terrible idea and might just make things worse, Elhokar took a deep, careful breath and spoke, "Is anything there?" He asked quietly enough that none of the guards would hear him and start wondering why the king was talking to himself.

 _Yes._ A voice that was both inside his head and outside it said. _I'm here._

Elhokar had to practically stuff his hand into his mouth to keep from screaming. He stumbled back into the wall, hand extended for his Shardblade. Ten heartbeats.

 _Don't do that_. The voice said. _Those things aren't right._

"Who are you?" Elhokar demanded, moving his hand away from his mouth. The Shardblade formed in his hand, its coming hastened by his frantically racing heartbeat. "Why have you been stalking me all these months?"

 _I have chosen you._ The voice said. It was getting clearer, more real. It was clear enough now that Elhokar could tell it was a female voice. _And you can choose me in response._

"What are you?" Elhokar asked.

There was buzzing noise that was definitely completely outside his head. The sound came from of a patch of wall that was strangely darker than the rest of the room. It took Elhokar a moment to realize he was looking at an immensely intricate and constantly shifting pattern.

"I am a spren," the pattern said in a buzzy but still distinctly female voice. "And I have chosen you."

"Spren?" Elhokar asked. "Have I lost my mind? Is that what this is?"

"You're sane," the pattern said. "Trust me."

It occured to Elhokar that was probably exactly what the pattern would say if it was a product of his subconscious, but he couldn't exactly call Dalinar and say that he was being stalked by a talking pattern that claimed to be a spren. He took a deep breath and dismissed the Shardblade.

"Fine," he said. "It's not as if my life wasn't messed up before this."

* * *

After that, the spren stopped haunting Elhokar in the mirror and instead followed him around like a lost puppy, trailing him along the walls or clinging to his clothes in ways that made Dalinar roll his eyes and mutter about not even being able to convince his nephew to give up frivolous fashions. Normally Elhokar wilted with shame whenever Dalinar said things like that, but in this instance he was also sort of thankful because if Dalinar could see the pattern that meant that it wasn't just in Elhokar's head.

The spren spoke sometimes, but it (she?) seemed to have the sense to remain silent around other people. Sometimes Elhokar answered, sometimes he just let her monologue. He waited for her to get sick of him and move on, but she never did. In fact she seemed to treat their fledgling relationship like it was something permanent. Elhokar wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Things came to a head the day of the chasmfiend hunt. Elhokar went down to mount his horse and told the guards to put a different saddle on the animal. The groom was confused, but didn't try to argue. He put the new saddle on the horse, then stepped away to put the other saddle back in the tack room. That gave Elhokar all the time he needed to pull out a side knife and cut what he hoped was the right sized gouge into the girth strap.

"What are you doing?" the spren asked.

"Someone is trying to kill me," Elhokar said, quietly, fighting to keep his voice level. His hands were shaking so much he almost dropped the knife when he tried to put it away. "I know it, but Dalinar and Sadeas will never believe me unless there's an obvious attempt. When this girth breaks, they'll look into it."

"You do realize that Dalinar Kholin's men take care of your horses so this might frame him for your supposed attempted assassination?"

"How do I know he's not the one trying to kill me?" Elhokar hissed.

"You don't really believe that," the spren said after a moment.

The groom returned before Elhokar could respond. He mounted his horse, breathing a sigh of relief when the girth didn't break right there. It wouldn't have ruined the plan, but it would have required quite a bit more acting and Elhokar was not very accomplished at lying. He could equivocate with the best of them, but outright lying was a bit beyond him.

He waited until he was out in the sunlight before he responded to the spren, "No, I don't really believe that, but I need to know anyway."

"You're being irrational," she said very plainly.

"I'm always irrational," Elhokar said. He knew it was the truth. He'd heard it many times in conversations he wasn't supposed to overhear. People were always talking about him behind his back, which did nothing for his lifelong fear that people were talking about him behind his back.

"You also sell yourself short very consistently," the spren said. "We'll have to work on that."

Elhokar didn't bother to ask why she thought that was her responsibility.

* * *

It was safe to say that when Elhokar had decided to cut his own girth strap, he had not intended for the chasmfiend to climb up onto the plateau and attack them. Still he'd survived and Sadeas agreed to look into it in exchange for being Highprince of Information.

"Beware of him," the spren muttered once Sadeas was gone. "He lies."

"What would you know about lies, spren?" Elhokar asked, trying to hold back a snort.

"I am liespren," she said. "So much, probably, though I have forgotten many things. Coming here to be with you was traumatic."

"Glad to know that even spren would prefer not to be in my company," Elhokar muttered. It was something he wouldn't have said aloud to anyone but the spren. She was easy to talk to, perhaps because she was always around and never spoke except to him so he knew she wasn't gossiping about him behind his back. Jasnah had been much the same way-a super-intelligent heretic did not have many friends to gossip with-if you could ignore that she was perfectly capable of judging you by herself.

"That is not what I meant," the spren said. "Spren are from a world separate from yours. I chose to crossover and come to be with you, but the crossing was hard."

Elhokar wasn't sure how he felt about that. The idea that anything would want to risk memory loss to follow him around didn't make any sense. "Do you have a name?" he asked after a minute. "You can't like just being called 'spren.' Do spren even have names?"

"We do," the spren said, "but mine is too complex for humans to remember. You can give me a nickname if you'd like."

"You want me to name you?" Elhokar couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice. "I didn't even name my own son, what makes you think I'd be any good at it?"

"It's just a nickname," the spren said. "I'll tell you if it sounds stupid."

"You just confessed to being a liespren," Elhokar pointed out.

"And I also confessed to having forgotten most of what I once knew about lies," she replied. "You'll just have to take your chances."

"Alright…" Elhokar said. "How do you feel about Shadow?"

"Because I followed your around and made you fear insanity for months?" she hum/buzzed thoughtfully. "I like it."

"That simple?"

"That simple," she said. "Now you should know that there are some words you're supposed to say. Words to strengthen our bond."

"What kind of words?" Elhokar asked.

"I can't tell you," Shadow said. "But you'll know them when the time comes."

"That's helpful," Elhokar muttered. "You can't just tell me them now?"

"That's not the way it works," Shadow said.

* * *

It didn't take Elhokar long to figure out that agreeing to appoint Sadeas as Highprince of Information had probably been a bad idea. Even if Sadeas had no intentions of misusing his position there was the problem that Dalinar thought Sadeas was up to something and thought Elhokar was an idiot for not seeing it.

Perhaps Elhokar was an idiot, but he couldn't help but be a little frustrated. Dalinar and Sadeas spent most of their time distrusting each other and blaming the other to Gavilar's death. Elhokar wished they could just see what he did, which was that once the Assassin in White had been told to go after Gavilar there was no chance that he would survive. That was why Elhokar was so afraid of the Assassin; he was legitimately a death sentence, but of course no one else could see that.

"The Blackthorn tells interesting lies," Shadow mused one day after Dalinar had left her and Elhokar alone after yet another tense conference.

"What do you mean?" Elhokar asked, studying the handful of spheres that had been sitting on his desk when Dalinar had come in. They had all gone dun. That had been happening a lot recently, and Elhokar was starting to suspect Shadow had something to do with it, though he had yet to work up the courage to ask her about it.

"He claims not to want to be king," Shadow said, "but grabs for power at every opportunity. He claims to be honorable, but on some level he still thinks that everything would be better if he had the power to force people to do what he wants."

Elhokar was quite for almost a minute before he worked up the courage to ask, "You really see that?"

"Of course," Shadow said. "Did you not notice?"

"I did," Elhokar said. "But I worry that basically everyone thinks they'd be a better king than me and is slowly taking power from me because I'm too stupid to notice, so I was trying to ignore it."

"Well," Shadow said after buzzing thoughtfully for a moment. "If it makes you feel better, I also think he believes that he is doing what is best for your people and for you."

"That doesn't make me feel better," Elhokar grumbled after a moment. "But thanks for the heads-up."

* * *

It was surprising how little knowing that Dalinar was trying to usurp him changed anything. It wasn't like knowing he was losing his position as king suddenly gave Elhokar the knowledge necessary to rule by himself. He still needed Dalinar and Sadeas just as much as he ever had, the only difference was that he now felt even more pathetic when he gave into their help.

Still, things had a tense holding pattern. Dalinar didn't realize Elhokar was onto him, and continued on as usual. If anything, he and Sadeas were getting along better than usual. The only thing that changed was the rumors that had begun to circulate about some kind of amorous relationship between Dalinar and Navani. Elhokar didn't actually believe them; Navani was Gavilar's late wife so she and Dalinar were basically brother and sister. Elhokar couldn't imagine wanting a relationship like that with Jasnah so he assumed his mother and uncle must feel the same. What bothered him was the simple existence of the rumors. For better or worse, everything Dalinar did reflected on Elhokar, and the idea of what people would say about House Kholin if they actually started believing Dalinar capable of that terrified Elhokar.

He realized he had bigger problems when Sadeas's army marched back into camp without Dalinar's. Dalinar had finally managed to convince Sadeas to try one of his crazy joint plateau runs, which Elhokar had hoped was further proof that things were getting better between them. This, however, did not seem good.

"Perhaps Sadeas headed back while Dalinar stayed to harvest the gemheart?" he asked, speaking under his breath so only Shadow could hear him.

She buzzed in the tone she only used when she was unsettled. "Mmmmm. I think not. Lies. Treachery."

Elhokar's mouth went dry. He clenched his fists in a somewhat futile attempt at keeping his hands from shaking. "What kind of treachery?"

Shadow buzzed again. "I am not sure."

Elhokar turned to the guards standing by the doorway. "One of you go to Sadeas's war camp and figure out what happened to Dalinar and his men," he ordered. One of the men nodded and hurried off. After a moment, Elhokar took a deep breath, turned back to the window and tried to remain calm and patient.

* * *

The guard never returned with the news, which was even more proof that Elhokar was fast losing all the power he was supposed to hold. Eventually, Dalinar's forces did stumble back to the war camps, though they had obviously lost thousands of men. Elhokar's stomach flipped at the thought of all the death that must have taken place.

"Send another messenger to figure out what's going on!" he snapped to the new rotation of guards. "Make sure this one actually comes back!"

He wasn't even surprised when this messenger also failed to return. He was surprised when Dalinar stalked in several hours later, still clad in his gray Shardplate only it was now accented by a bright blue gauntlet Elhokar was pretty sure was from Adolin's Plate. Dalinar looked really unhappy and that instantly made Elhokar nervous. He started talking, only vaguely aware that he was saying something inane about Dalinar and Navani, then Dalinar lunged across the room and clobbered Elhokar with a blow of Shardplate augmented strength.

As a rule, Elhokar didn't lie to himself, if anything he was too honest with himself, but there was one thing he tried not to think about. It was his biggest and most carefully concealed lie, and Dalinar's attack shattered what fragile shielding he had around it. Most Alethi would have fought like their lives depended on it, but Elhokar's mind clogged with panic and all he could do was try fruitlessly to draw his Shardblade while screaming at the top of his lungs for help that never came.

It was the single most horrifying thing that had ever happened to him. Dalinar didn't stop and Elhokar couldn't fight back and no one answered his cries for help. He was completely and utterly helpless. He was going to be murdered by his uncle without even managing to fight back. He was a failure as a king and a failure as an Alethi.

Then Dalinar stopped. Right when he had the opportunity to crush Elhokar's chest and be done with it, he suddenly pulled back and then he talking, talking like nothing happened, like he hadn't just almost killed his nephew. Elhokar could barely hear him over the ringing in his ears, over the horrible inner voice that was howling over and over that he was a coward and a failure and that Dalinar hated him and wanted him dead.

Vaguely Elhokar was aware that Dalinar was asking to be made Highprince of War. He was saying something about having the power to force all the other Highprinces to follow the Codes. Through his panic, Elhokar found himself wondering if Nohadon taught that you should beat up people to get them to do what you wanted, or if that was what Dalinar had learned from his conquering spree with Gavilar. Apparently-if Dalinar was to be believed-Sadeas had been trying to become Highprince of Information for his own selfish ends as well, but at least he'd had the decency to manipulate Elhokar into giving him the position instead of using physical violence.

Still, Elhokar found himself agreeing. It wasn't like he could do anything else. Dalinar had made it blatantly clear that he'd kill Elhokar if he didn't agree, and Elhokar was a useless coward who did not want to die. He'd do just about anything to keep living, and, unfortunately, Dalinar knew that.

Dalinar smiled and spoke to him just as he always had, like nothing had happened. Elhokar had always found Dalinar's fatherly smiles comforting, but now they terrified him. How could someone almost kill their own nephew and then act like that same nephew should be grateful they'd done it, like they'd somehow done a great service? Dalinar actually had the nerve to say that Elhokar should listen to Nohadon's book. If Elhokar had possessed more courage he would have spat that if that book helped Dalinar rationalize this then Elhokar wanted nothing to do with it.

Finally Dalinar left, not without calling over his shoulder that he and Navani _were_ courting, like he thought Elhokar had enough brain space to care that his uncle was in love with the woman who should have been like his sister now. When the door closed behind Dalinar, leaving Elhokar alone, he curled up into the smallest ball he could while still in his damaged Shardplate. He couldn't breathe and he felt like he was dying. Maybe Dalinar really had managed to crush his chest and he just hadn't noticed until now. Maybe this was the end.

Some indeterminable amount of time, he finally managed to breathe again. He came back to himself to find that he was still curled up on the floor where Dalinar had left him. The sun had set and the room was pitch dark because all the spheres in the lamps had gone dun. No one had come to check if he was alright, and Elhokar wasn't sure if he was happy about that or not. It was good that no one had seen how Dalinar's attack had undone him, but that was just one more demonstration about how he wasn't really in command of his kingdom.

Shadow was twisting on the floor next to his face in frustrated circles buzzing and snarling things that Elhokar suspected might have been curses in a spren language. "Shadow," he croaked, his mouth dry as the Shattered Plains when there hadn't been a Highstorm in a long time. "How long has it been?"

She turned towards him, though he didn't know how he knew that when one side of her was the same as any other. "That is a truly horrid man," she buzzed. "I hate him. His lies are abhorrent."

Elhokar's first urge was still to defend Dalinar, to argue that it wouldn't have been so bad if he was a true Alethi, if he wasn't such a coward, but deep down he knew that wasn't right. He couldn't imagine Dalinar doing something like that to Adolin or Renarin. Dalinar had done what he had because he thought Elhokar was too stupid to comply with him any other way. Maybe Dalinar was right, but that did not make what he had done right.

In that moment something changed. Elhokar didn't think that he actually hated Dalinar, but the child-like awe he'd harbored for the man for most of his life was gone. If that was honor than Elhokar wanted nothing to do with it. He and Dalinar both knew which one of them was stronger; Dalinar hadn't needed to pound Elhokar into the floor and beat him over the head with his own weakness. Even if there was a part of Elhokar that whispered that he'd deserved all that and more, that said that he was overreacting and that Gavilar could have handled that without even getting worked up, he couldn't quite decide to ignore the whole thing and move on. Elhokar might be afraid that he was overreacting, but he knew that no matter what he did not want to be like Dalinar Kholin.

And then he knew the Words. It was strange because there was logically no way he could have known them, but somehow he did. He didn't know exactly what they would do or even what they meant, but he knew that they would separate him from Dalinar, make him something that his uncle couldn't be.

"Elhokar?" Shadow asked. She had calmed a little and her buzzing voice was now almost soothing. She did not insult his intelligence by asking if he was alright.

"The Words," he said. "I know them now. 'Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination.' Right?"

"Right." Shadow replied and just like that, everything changed.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed! Please favorite, follow and review!**

 **Emjen**


	2. Part Two

**You know how I said this was going to be three parts? Yeah, I lied. At least this new four-part plan gives you more story to chew on while I inevitably get writer's block trying to deal with the failed get-Sadeas-to-duel-Adolin scheme which is my least favorite part of WoR for reasons that have nothing to do with Elhokar.**

 **Also, I am planning to change the title of this work once I come up with something better, so the title might be different by the time I post part three.**

* * *

Life went on, at least that was probably what happened to people who hadn't been attacked by their uncles and bullied into handing over some more of their already shaky power. Elhokar, however, was having a hard time going on. At first he had nightmares that sometimes caused him to scream so loudly that his guards came running (of course they did that _now_ when he wasn't in any actual danger). After that had gone on for a while Elhokar became so terrified of reliving Dalinar's attack in his dreams that he couldn't sleep unless he downed a couple glasses of violet wine before lying down. When he was awake, he so panicky that he jumped at shadows and the smallest slights and threats were enough to send him into fits of hysterics.

And then there was the problem of the Stormlight. The spheres in his lamps and pockets were constantly going dun, some within hours of being recharged. Shadow had explained that was a byproduct of their bond and that Elhokar could learn to use the Light to do things if he practiced, but Elhokar didn't even want to think about actually _using_ the Light; he needed to figure out how to make it _stop_. He drew on a fair amount of Stormlight every time someone so much as _mentioned_ Dalinar, eventually he was going to get caught and he didn't want to explain what was happening.

"You look terrible. Have you slept?" Navani asked one morning when he was visiting her in her chambers.

"I'm fine," Elhokar said. Shadow buzzed quietly, but Elhokar silently argued that it wasn't really a lie. He was a lot more alert than he should have been given that he was running on about three hours of toss and turn sleep and a hangover. He suspected all the Stormlight had something to do with how surprisingly decent he was feeling, but he wasn't about to tell Navani that.

"And you've been more anxious recently too," Navani went on. "What's been bothering you?"

"Oh, the usual," Elhokar lied, making sure he kept his gaze focused on the view of the Plains out the window while he spoke. He was learning to be a better liar-something he couldn't tell if Shadow liked or not-but he still couldn't look someone in the eyes and lie convincingly, "Nothing particularly worth mentioning."

Navani didn't respond for a long time, and eventually Elhokar turned to look at her. Her lips were pressed together in thought, like she had sensed the lie and was trying to scope out the the truth. Navani and her two children had been cursed with the utter inability to truly understand each other. That said, Elhokar and Navani were much closer than Navani and Jasnah were because Navani found Elhokar at the very least _less_ inscrutable than Jasnah. Navani might have been able to figure out at least part of what was bothering Elhokar if given enough time and he didn't want to risk it.

"Mother," he said as gently as possible. "Nothing out of the ordinary is wrong."

"Dalinar said you've been calling him to investigate less supposed assassination attempts," Navani said. "It's good that your fear of assassination is fading, though I wish you would confide in me about what this new worry is. You're starting to look like a walking corpse."

Elhokar didn't have the heart to tell her that his fear of assassination was just as strong as it had ever been, but that it had now been eclipsed by the fear of being assassinated by Dalinar.

* * *

The next time Dalinar held one of his "Oh look, my brilliant plan to use my ill-gotten power to force people to do what I want isn't working" planning meetings, he brought along a contingency of darkeyed guards. Elhokar, like everyone else in the Warcamps, had heard about the bridgemen Dalinar had freed from Sadeas and turned into guards, but this was the first time he'd actually seen them. He was leery at first, as he always was of new people, but their leader-a serious man younger than Renarin with slave marks and a shash brand on his forehead-turned out to be very open to the idea that someone might be trying to hurt his charges which was refreshing. Still, Elhokar reminded himself that these bridgemen were even more firmly indebted to Dalinar than Elhokar's lighteyed guards were; he could not trust them to actually save him if Dalinar told them not to.

Even though Elhokar was technically supposed to be in charge, Dalinar took over the planning, rambling around disarming the highprinces and treating them like new recruits and a million other things that were probably going to get not just him and Elhokar killed but everyone they cared about too. Elhokar tried to point that out, hoping that appealing to Dalinar's hopefully more genuine feelings for Navani, Adolin and Renarin would actually convince the man to see sense.

"Yes, you are right," Dalinar said, regretfully. "I hadn't… but yes. That is how they think." He sounded so sincere and gentle, like a kindly old grandfather. How did he manage that? Elhokar was torn between wanting to run the other way and wanting to get down on his knees and beg for the secret.

"And you're still willing to go through with this plan?"

"I have no choice," Dalinar said like that should be obvious.

Elhokar forced himself to go on, "Then at least tell me this: What is your endgame, Uncle? What is it you want out of all this? In a year, if we survive this fiasco, what do you want us to be?" That was boldest Elhokar had dared to be with Dalinar since the incident, and the sheer audacity of it made his stomach clench.

Dalinar was silent for a long time, simply staring out the window. "I'll have us be what we were before, son. A kingdom that can stand through storms, a kingdom that is a light and not a darkness. I will have a truly unified Alethkar, with highprinces who are loyal and just. I'll have more than that. I'm going to refound the Knights Radiant."

Captain Kaladin jerked like he'd just been stung by something. Elhokar felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He hadn't really thought about what his strange connection to a creature claiming to be a spren meant, but Jasnah had used him as a sounding board on occasion-most likely because she'd assumed he wouldn't understand what she was talking about-and some things had stuck in his head. Shadow began buzzing in a soft but discordant tone Elhokar had learned meant she was upset. That only confirmed his budding suspicions; whatever was happening to him had something to do with the Knights Radiant.

Great.

"Are you mad, Brightlord?" Brightness Teshav asked. "The Radiants? You're going to try to rebuild a sect of traitors who gave us over to the Voidbringers?"

"The rest of this sounds good, Father," Adolin said with a calm logic that most people probably wouldn't have believed he possessed. "I know you think about the Radiants a lot, but you see them...differently than everyone else. It won't go well if you announce that you want to emulate them."

Elhokar felt like he was standing by watching everything even remotely sane about his life crumble to ash. Where they really seriously discussing refounding the _Knights Radiant_? The idea should have been dismissed as a joke the instant it was brought up, but Adolin and Brightness Teshav were trying to come up with logical reasons why refounding an organization of traitors that everyone hated was a bad idea. They were all so in Dalinar's thrawl that they were actually considering it.

That wasn't even the only problem. Shadow wouldn't have gotten worked up if Dalinar was just spouting nonsense. Her reaction suggested that there was a real connection between her and the Knights Radiant, which meant that there was a real connection between _Elhokar_ and the Knights Radiant.

Elhokar couldn't help it, he covered his face and groaned.

* * *

"Am I a Knight Radiant?" Elhokar asked Shadow the instant they were alone.

She paused for a moment as if considering how she wanted to respond. "Not yet," she said slowly.

"So I'm supposed to be a Knight Radiant," Elhokar pushed on. "Dalinar is actually on the right track."

"The way he plans to refound the Knights Radiant is not the way it is supposed to happen," Shadow said. "The Knights Radiant must rise again, but it should be at the initiative of those who were chosen not at the behest of some over-zealous warlord with visions he thinks are from the Almighty."

"People who are chosen," Elhokar repeated. "People like me? Why would you choose _me_ to be a Knight Radiant? Unless you want to make sure everyone hates them again. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you thought I could actually manage to be a hero."

"It doesn't matter what I believe you capable of," Shadow said. "It's what you believe yourself capable of that matters."

"Why do you always do that?" Elhokar burst out.

"Do what?" Shadow asked. She actually had the audacity to sound confused.

"Talk about me like I'm not a failure of a king and a pushover," Elhokar said. "You've seen plenty of proof of both, why keep denying it?"

"One of us needs to have some self-esteem," Shadow said curtly. "And since it's obviously not going to be you…"

"What do you want me to do, Shadow?" Elhokar snapped marching across the room and flinging his hand out to his side. "Summon my Shardblade and waltz around the warcamps proclaiming the Knights Radiant reborn? If I was lucky people might actually kill me for being a legitimate threat and not just because Alethkar can't have an insane ruler."

"Elhokar," Shadow said in a very peculiar tone. "You might not want to draw your-"

Elhokar's Shardblade formed in his hand and the instant his fingers closed around it a dreadful screaming filled his head. It was as if something was crying out in pain, like something had been trapped unendingly in the moment of its murder.

Elhokar cried out and dropped the Shardblade. The instant he let go of the Blade the screaming stopped. Elhokar stumbled across the room and threw up in one decorative vases in the corner of the room. The screaming was one of the most horrid he'd ever experienced, up there with the battles which were little more than wholesale slaughters Gavilar and Dalinar had made him witness as a child to "give him a stomach for fighting."

The guards burst in because they were evidently still under orders to pretend to care about his well being when it suited Dalinar. "I'm fine," Elhokar growled, spitting bile into the vase. "Get out."

"Your Majesty-" the guard began.

"Am I your king or not?" Elhokar snapped. "I ordered you out. Get out!"

The guards blinked looking like they were surprised to see their charge doing something other than whining about assassination attempts. "Yes, Your Majesty." They said and slunk out of the room.

Elhokar leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor in a trembling heap. "You see?" He said to Shadow. "I can't even use a Shardblade anymore."

"I hate those things," Shadow said coasting across the floor towards him. "They're perversions."

"I don't care what you think of them," Elhokar said. "No one will take an Alethi King who can't use a Shardblade seriously."

Shadow was silent for an almost outrageously long time. "What?" Elhokar asked when he couldn't take it anymore.

"As time goes on I remember more and more," Shadow said slowly. "I'm just not sure what I should tell you and what you should be allowed to figure out for yourself."

"Oh," Elhokar groaned. "So now _you're_ hiding things from me."

"I-" Shadow seemed a little thrown. "I'm just not sure if telling you would be the best way to do it. I don't want to hurt your development by telling you something you were supposed to figure it out on your own. Though I suppose if it bothers you so much I could just-"

She was cut off by a fist pounding heavily on the door. "Elhokar? Elhokar are you alright?" Dalinar. Elhokar felt his entire body go stiff. "Elhokar!"

Elhokar didn't respond. His heart was beating wildly in his throat. Maybe if he said nothing Dalinar would just go away.

No such luck. "Elhokar, I'm coming in," Dalinar said and forced his way into the room. Elhokar tried to stay as still and quiet as possible, but Dalinar saw him right away.

"Are you alright?" Dalinar crossed the floor in a couple steps to kneel before him. "The guards said you were sick."

"I'm fine." Elhokar said. If he was someone like Dalinar or even Adolin he might have managed to say that so it was believable or at least so no one would question him. However, Elhokar had a feeling that he just sounded like a child who was terrified his uncle was going to beat him up.

"Elhokar," Dalinar said. "You look like you've seen a ghost. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Elhokar lied. He couldn't look Dalinar in the face so instead he stared at the man's shoulder. "It must have just been something I ate. I'm feeling better now."

"The guards said they heard you scream," Dalinar said. "Did something else happen?"

"I'm fine!" Elhokar pushed himself to his feet and crossed the room, trying hide that he was still shaking.

Dalinar was silent and when Elhokar turned he was studying him with his lips pursed. "What?" he asked.

"You're not panicking about being poisoned," Dalinar said. He spoke in a tone of voice that suggested he didn't realize he was being sort of insulting. "I've never known you to be this calm in the face of the unexpected."

 _Calm?_ Elhokar's stomach was still churning and he wasn't completely convinced he wasn't going to throw up again. He couldn't get the memory of the screaming out of his head, and Dalinar's presence was doing nothing for his nerves. He was anything but calm.

"There's nothing wrong," Elhokar said trying to look calmer than he actually was. "I told you; it was probably just something I ate. I feel better now."

Dalinar studies him for a moment then stood up. "You might be right, but I still think it would be best if you let someone look at you. You're not acting like yourself."

Elhokar had to bite his tongue to hold back a snort of laughter. He spent half his life trying to convince Dalinar to take his fears seriously and the one time he tried to get him to ignore something the man latched onto it. It was almost unbelievable.

"Fine," He eventually said. "If it makes you feel better. I'm not going anywhere."

"It does," Dalinar said with a nod. "I'll be right back," and he left.

Elhokar sighed and sunk down into the sofa and leaned his head against the armrest.

"His plan won't work," Shadow grumbled. It sounded a little like she was just beginning to vocalize the thoughts that had been running through her mind the entire time Dalinar had been there. "You can't expect strong-arming people who don't like you to work."

"It works on me," Elhokar whispered, his voice so quiet that it was barely more than air blowing over his lips. "And he knows it. He knows. He knows it all. He must."

"What do you mean by 'he knows it all?'" Shadow asked.

"Nothing," Elhokar said perhaps a bit louder than he should have.

Shadow was silent for so long that Elhokar started to think the conversation was over, then she said, "The Words you swore after our run-in with Dalinar are the only official Oaths that you have to swear," she spoke gently but very deliberately, like she knew she might upset him but felt that she needed to speak anyway. "However, the bond between us becomes stronger each time you reveal a deep truth about yourself. The less people who know the truth, the more powerful it is. If you're hiding something it might be best to just confess it now and get it over with."

Elhokar's stomach clenched at the thought. While he didn't tell a lot of outright lies he did have a number of things he simply hid. Still, what Shadow was asking about, that was different. She was asking for the only thing that he had never told anyone, not even his sister. It was a secret that would confirm all the worst things that had ever been said about him. It was a secret so horrible and shameful that if he told it, no one, not even a liespren, would ever associate with him again. He would become the ultimate liability.

"There's nothing to tell," he said.

"Elhokar," Shadow began.

"That's all." he snapped and deliberately closed his eyes, effectively ending the conversation.

* * *

Things passed tensely which was not necessarily a surprise. Brightlord Amaram showed up which made Dalinar really happy, though Elhokar couldn't figure out if that was just because he liked Amaram or because the brightlord was part of Dalinar's plan. He was honestly afraid to ask.

They continued on with the planning meetings, though Dalinar's plan still seemed insane. During one such meeting, Elhokar hung on until he couldn't stand it anymore then headed out onto the balcony to get some air. He still couldn't be around Dalinar and remain calm, not to mention other things were worrying him. Jasnah was supposed to have arrived at the Shattered Plains with Adolin's new causal betrothed, but there had been no sign of either woman and no word. No one else seemed to be worrying about it, they kept saying things like "Jasnah always gets distracted and runs off to do other things. She'll turn up." Elhokar was worried, but of course he was always worried and as a result no one took him seriously, even though from what Navani had said it seemed like Jasnah had been quite keen on coming to the Shattered Plains.

Elhokar was worrying about all the harms which could have befallen his sister when he leaned against the railing and the whole thing gave way. For one horrible instant he was falling then he grabbed hold of a stable piece of railing and was jerked to a stop. He sucked in a breath and his veins flared up with Stormlight giving him enough strength to hold on and probably haul himself up once he calmed down enough to think. He swore as fouly as he was able, completely throwing all kingly decorum to the winds.

Adolin reached him first, and clung to his wrists until Dalinar arrived and they hauled Elhokar back up onto the balcony together. Elhokar half wanted to protest that he could have climbed up on his own, but he wasn't known for his upper body strength and he didn't want people asking pointed questions.

Once he was safely back up on the balcony, Dalinar ushered Elhokar inside with a hand on his back, seemingly unaware of how every muscle in Elhokar's body tensed at his touch. Elhokar separated himself from his uncle as soon as possible and pointedly did not look towards the balcony. He wouldn't be going out there again for a long time, possibly not ever. He kept his teeth clenched together, refusing to allow any of the words he wanted to say escape. He didn't think he could handle his fears being pushed aside again.

"That doesn't make any sense," Adolin said. He sounded breathless and flustered, which was weird, because Elhokar had always been under the impression that neither of his cousins particularly liked him. "What are the chances that an entire section of soulcast railing just gives way right when the king leans against it? It must have been an assassination attempt."

Elhokar held his breath as he waited for Dalinar to berate Adolin and tell him that he was overreacting. However, all Dalinar did was look at Elhokar like he was hoping Elhokar had suddenly gone deaf and hadn't heard then said, "You have a very legitimate point. Has someone sent for Captain Kaladin?"

* * *

Highstorms were on the list of things that didn't terrify Elhokar. Sure, they made him uncomfortable, but no more so than any other person. If anything, he was actually less anxious during Highstorms because no one could get to him to assassinate him. Highstorms were better protection than bodyguards, especially when all your bodyguards were more loyal to your uncle than they were to you.

Ever since they'd realized that Dalinar was experiencing visions from the Almighty during Highstorms not raving madly, he and Navani had spent the Highstorms closed up in a private room. Dalinar described his visions and Navani copied them down, normally phonetically because Dalinar didn't usually speak Alethi and often spoke in languages or dialects even Navani didn't know. Navani had mentioned once in passing that she wished she had Jasnah to help her, and Elhokar had quickly avoiding the topic, because the easiest way to not to be terrified about his sister's safety was not to think about her at all.

This particular Highstorm, Captain Kaladin was head of their guards, though the man bizarrely fell asleep partway through the Storm, something that Elhokar hadn't even realized was possible. Adolin thought it was pretty funny and started speculating about how long it would take the bridgeman to notice if he drew a mustache on him.

"Remind me not to fall asleep around Adolin," Elhokar muttered to Shadow, shifting into a more comfortable position in his armchair.

"I will keep that in mind," Shadow said. "It would be very embarrassing if your cousin were to draw-" then she cut herself off and began buzzing in her high-pitched, something's wrong tone.

Elhokar scrambled to his feet and headed to the privy without looking at Adolin and Renarin for fear of them seeing something. The roar of the Highstorm could cover Shadow's voice when she was being quiet, but he didn't want to risk someone hearing her like this.

He closed and locked the privy door behind him and turned to face the mirror, looking directly at the place where Shadow was riding on his shirt just over his heart, half-hidden by his coat. "Alright, what happened?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

Shadow buzzed again, a high-pitched, whining sound. She was actually vibrating a little, almost like a tremor. "Something's coming," she said, her words so full of frightened buzz that she was hard to understand. "It's bad. _He_ 's bad."

"What do you mean 'he?'" Elhokar asked, a sinking feeling starting in his chest and travelling down to his stomach.

"Elhokar," Shadow said quietly, still vibrating. "It's not safe."

Elhokar pushed the privy door open and burst out into the main room. The scene had changed. The door to Dalinar and Navani's room was open and Adolin and Renarin were standing in it, Captain Kaladin was nowhere in sight. Elhokar struck out across the room trying to decide how to approach this. It wasn't like he could say that a spren had told him it wasn't safe, but if he said anything else people would just think he was being paranoid.

When he reached his cousins he found that Captain Kaladin was inside the room talking to Navani. "Can you wake him?" the bridgeman was asking. "We need to leave this room, leave this place."

"What's going on?" Elhokar asked pushing by his cousins and stepping into the room.

"You're not safe here, Your Majesty," Kaladin said. There was a wild sort of knowing in his gaze, the same kind of knowing that was burning its way through Elhokar's veins. This bridgeman knew something was wrong, Elhokar wasn't sure how but he _knew_. "We need to get you out of the palace and take you to the warcamp."

"This is ridiculous," Adolin objected from behind him. "This is the safest place in the warcamps. You want us to leave? Drag the king out into the storm?"

"We need to wake the highprince," Kaladin said, turning towards Dalinar. Elhokar was impressed by the man's refusal to be pushed aside even after being called ridiculous.

Dalinar caught Kaladin's arm before the bridgeman could do anything. "The highprince is awake," he said. "What is going on here?"

"The bridgeboy wants us to evacuate the palace," Adolin explained.

Dalinar looked to Kaldin for his explanation.

"It's not safe here, sir." Kaladin said.

"What makes you say that?"

There was slight, almost awkward pause then Kaladin said, "Instinct, sir."

Dalinar stared at Kaladin for a minute then he got to his feet. "We go, then."

Elhokar breathed an audible sigh of relief, that got him a weird look from everyone in the room, but thankfully Kaladin was too worried about whatever instinct had him asking for them to move to let anyone ask questions. He ran to the door, gave some orders to his men, then came back and grabbed Elhokar by the arm. Elhokar jerked and almost pulled away, but reminded himself that he was supposed to be a confused king, not a maybe-Radiant who knew something was going on and let himself be lead.

They ran down the hall towards the kitchens. Kaladin's hand was like a vice around Elhokar's arm, cutting off his circulation. It did nothing to make Elhokar less nervous. He would have liked to be able to pretend that his captain of guard knew how to protect them from whatever threat they were facing.

They came around the corner and there were no lights. Elhokar had never known the palace to ever have a dark hallway, even during the Weeping. Something was very wrong.

"Wait," Adolin said, voicing everyone's concerns. "Why is it dark? What happened to the spheres?"

The realization struck Elhokar a moment later. "They've been drained of Stormlight."

Kaladin jerked like he hadn't expected anyone else to realize that. Then he pulled out a sphere for light and they could all see the hole cut into the wall leading outside.

"Danger," Shadow buzzed. "Danger."

There was movement from a side corridor, then a figure dressed all in white and streaming Stormlight stepped into the hallway and Elhokar's heart stopped. He had not actually seen the Assassin in White the night the man had killed Gavilar, but he'd been obsessed with and terrified by the man for six years so he knew what the man looked like.

All around him his family members and the bridgemen burst into motion, but Elhokar was frozen. He was staring down the thing he had feared for years, and he couldn't breathe let alone think.

One of the bridgemen, grabbed him by the arm and Elhokar jumped. "Your majesty," the bridgeman said. "Come with me."

Elhokar let the bridgeman drag him down the hall, away from the darkness and the death. Vaguely he was aware of Navani and Renarin and another bridgeman running with them, but he could barely focus on anything. His chest was tight as a vice and there was a roaring in his ears.

They stopped running and Elhokar's legs gave out. He slid to the floor in a pathetic heap, wheezing for breath. "Moash, where did the Assassin go?" Renarin asked from somewhere above him. "Is he not following?"

"Maybe he got stopped by the Kal and others," the bridgeman who hadn't been dragging Elhokar along-Moash?-said.

"Captain Kaladin can take him," the other bridgeman said.

A hand settled on Elhokar's shoulder. "Elhokar?" Navani asked. "Are you alright?"

"I can't breathe," Elhokar panted.

Moash might have snorted and muttered something under his breath, but Elhokar was too busy trying to breathe to really worry about it. Navani ran a hand up and down his back, comfortingly.

"Is he alright?" the other bridgeman asked. "What's wrong?"

"He'll be fine," Navani said. "This happens sometimes."

"I can carry him if we need to," Renarin said sounding annoyed.

That was a level of humiliation that Elhokar would not stand. He struggled to his feet. "I'm fine," he said, still trying to get air to circulate through his lungs. "We can go now."

Navani got up, but kept her hand on his elbow. She looked at him like she wanted to ask a question, but he pointedly ignored her. Why couldn't she let him at least attempt to pretend this hadn't happened? No to mention, they did need to move. The Assassin could have killed Dalinar, Adolin and Kaladin by now and be stalking the halls for them. Elhokar desperately wanted to ask Shadow if she could tell where the Assassin was, but he already looked weak enough without seeming to talk to himself.

Moash was staring at him with an expression that wasn't exactly neutral, though Elhokar couldn't figure out what it was instead. "Alright," the bridgeman said. "Let's go."

* * *

On the day that Dalinar held a meeting of all the highprinces to discuss the threat of the Assassin in White, Elhokar was somewhere on the weird line between hungover and still drunk. He'd been drinking quite a bit since Dalinar had attacked him in an effort to calm his nerves, but in the days since the Assassin it had increased exponentially. This was partially to keep from panicking and partially because he wasn't stupid enough not to realize that the Assassin had actually been after Dalinar. He was stuck somewhere between shame that not even the Assassin in freaking White thought he was enough of a threat to bother killing and guilty relief that he might get to survive the whole fiasco. Either way, he was stuck at a meeting being lead by his usurping uncle and not brave enough to do anything about it even while mildly intoxicated.

With no better options, Elhokar sat on his throne and let Dalinar do the talking. Even knowing that Dalinar was the one in real danger he still felt horribly exposed without his Shardplate. Perhaps he actually was, after all someone had masterminded the railing assassination attempt and that probably hadn't been the Assassin. However, he couldn't actually wear the armor because the gems on the inside kept cracking or going dun. He had a feeling that had something to do with him being a Knight Radiant in the making, so he'd stopped wearing the Plate to keep people from asking questions he couldn't answer.

Unsurprisingly to probably everyone but Dalinar, the meeting accomplished nothing. When they paused for a break several hours in the only indication that any time had passed was the change in the sun's position. Elhokar was now firmly on the hungover side of the intoxication scale, and the bright sunlight filtering into the chamber was only making his headache worse. He was pretty sure he could use Stormlight to make himself feel better, but he'd been getting really paranoid about people noticing how often his person spheres were going dun. He would probably only use the Stormlight if he started to feel like he was going to throw up, because vomiting during a meeting like this would be a level of humiliating he refused to sink to.

He'd been sitting for several minutes nursing a goblet of orange wine and contemplating a stronger color to test something Jasnah had mentioned once about hangovers basically being withdrawals, when Navani turned away from the conversation she had been having and practically fled from the room. Dalinar was left standing with a red-haired girl Elhokar had never seen before, looking like he was thinking about going after her but couldn't decide if that was his job.

Elhokar was on his feet almost before he decided to move. He didn't bother with any excuses because the highprinces were all to busy scheming to pretend that Elhokar was little more than a comma to their obsession with beating Dalinar. Still a couple people did look up and call after him, but he ignored them and ducked into the cool and dim hallway after his mother.

Navani had been moving fast and had already vanished around a corner. Elhokar broke into a jog to catch up. Each step drove a spear of pain into his brain so he finally sucked in a little Stormlight to ease his headache. The passage was empty and that was a little unnerving; Elhokar hadn't been without guards since his father's death.

When he rounded the first corner he saw Navani up ahead. "Mother!" he called breaking into a faster pace that would probably be classified as an actual run.

For one minute Elhokar thought she was just going to ignore him, but then she stopped in the middle of the hallway and whirled to face him just as he caught up. There were actual tears in her eyes and the sight of them froze Elhokar's blood. He had never seen seen Navani cry.

"Mother?" Elhokar ventured, hesitantly. "What's wrong?"

Navani took a deep, shaky breath. "That girl," she said, "apparently she just arrived in the Warcamps. She claims to be Shallan Davar."

"Who?" Elhokar asked blankly. The name sounded vaguely familiar but he wasn't able to place it.

"Jasnah's new ward," Navani said. "The one who we were talking about marrying to Adolin."

"Right," Elhokar said, a little knot of anxiety loosening. If Jasnah's ward was here that meant Jasnah must be here too, she was fine. He'd been worrying for nothing. "Then I'm afraid that I don't understand what's wrong. Isn't that good?"

"This girl says," Navani swallowed unsteadily. "That during their trip here they were attacked by pirates and that…And that Jasnah was killed."

The small sliver of relief died. Elhokar felt a hole open up inside himself. He didn't try to convince himself that it wasn't true. He knew it was true. He'd known for weeks that something horrible had happened to Jasnah, all this was confirmation. His sister was gone. "Mother," he said, a sob coloring his voice. "I-"

"The girl must be an imposter," Navani said, straightening her spine and making as if to push her hair out of her face though it was still perfectly in place. "She must be lying. Jasnah will show up. She always does."

"Mother," Elhokar said, trying to figure out how to tell one of the most rational women alive that she was being irrational. "I don't think that girl would-" And then it really hit him. Jasnah was gone. Jasnah who had once when they were children tried to comfort him while he cried by rambling about how tears were just meant to lubricate the eyes so crying when emotional didn't actually make any sense. Jasnah who had at least _listened_ to his worries even if she thought they were as irrational as everyone else did. Jasnah who had looked at him as her shadow fell in an impossible direction and trusted him to keep it a secret. Jasnah who had probably been a potential Radiant and everything that the refounded Order both Dalinar and Shadow wanted on their side. One sob burst out of his mouth and another and another. He tried to force them back, but he couldn't.

Navani's safehand came to rest gently on the side of his face. He looked up at her and her face crumbled into a sob as well. They sank to the floor and clutched at each other in a heap of sobbing bodies. Elhokar's face was pressed against Navani's shoulder and hers was pressed against his. They were gripping each other's clothes in white-knuckle grips, squeezing each other so tightly it was a wonder they could breathe.

Dimly Elhokar was aware that this was wrong. Alethi didn't break down, let alone is hallways where anyone could walk by. Even Elhokar, weak as he was, hadn't cried for his father, and if Navani had cried for her husband it was only when no one could see her. They shouldn't be doing this, but he wasn't sure if he could stop.

Some indeterminable amount of time later, Elhokar became aware of someone clearing their throat rather loudly. He lifted his head from Navani's shoulder, where he'd managed to soak a patch of her dress with his tears. Moash was standing a handful of paces distant with a look of open hatred on his face. It wasn't the kind of contempt Elhokar would have expected from an Alethi discovering other Alethi in an emotionally compromised position, it was a look of pure, animal hatred. It was only there for a moment, then it was gone. Elhokar must have just been paranoid. Still, he wished that Kaladin spent more time guarding him and not this man, even if you didn't believe Adolin's crazy story about Kaladin taking a Shardblade to an arm that was now completely healthy.

"What?" he asked. His voice clogged with tears and snot. It was humiliating.

"The meeting is beginning again," Moash said, voice normal, if a bit clipped. "I will need to escort you back. It's not safe with the Assassin in White running around."

They could not go back, not with evidence of their breakdowns imprinted clearly on their faces. Elhokar might have been able to use Stormlight to erase that, but what he could do needed to remain a secret. "In case you hadn't noticed," he said to Moash. "The Assassin is after Dalinar, so we're probably fine."

He felt Navani stiffen, apparently she like everyone else thought he hadn't figured that out. Thankfully she didn't comment, because when she straightened up she pushed her now slightly messy hair back and said, "You can escort us to my son's chambers. If you're so worried, you can post more guards for us there."

Moash argued a little, but no one could stand up to Navani Kholin when she had her mind made up. Eventually he did as she asked and Elhokar found himself curled up with Navani in his big bed. They cried on and off for a long time, and eventually Elhokar ended up lying with his head buried in a pillow while Navani stroked his head the way she had when he was a child. Neither of them said a word.

Elhokar was on the edge of sleep when someone knocked tentatively on the door. "Enter," Navani called, her powerful queen's voice back.

The door opened and someone came in. "Are you alright?" Dalinar asked. Elhokar stiffened a little, but Navani's fingers kept running through his hair and that relaxed him again. Navani would protect him. She wouldn't let Dalinar attack him again. He resumed his slow float to sleep.

"We're fine," Navani replied stiffly.

"Navani…" Dalinar sounded like he wasn't sure how to proceed. "About Jasnah-"

"Don't say anything about Jasnah," Navani said tightly. "There's nothing to say. That girl must be mistaken. Jasnah will be back."

"Navani, you can't just-" Dalinar paused as he tried to figure out what to say, but Elhokar never got to hear what he came up with, because that was when he slid away into the relatively peaceful embrace of sleep.

* * *

 **Hope you're enjoying the story! Please favorite, follow and review and I'll try to get part three out as soon as possible!**

 **Emjen**


	3. Part Three

****Comes back after over two months with this pathetic offering** Sorry, about the wait. I actually have a lot of part four written so hopefully there won't be as much of a wait.**

 **NOTE: While I don't like Dalinar, I don't believe that his actions towards Elhokar are** _ **consciously**_ **malicious. Until halfway through** _ **Oathbringer**_ **, Dalinar is incapable of realizing that what he did to Elhokar in WoK was wrong and therefore it never crosses his mind that Elhokar might be traumatized by what happened. Dalinar never intends to actually kill Elhokar if it becomes convenient, but he also doesn't realize Elhokar believes that he would. I'm saying this because I realized that since I've never written a meta about Dalinar you have no way of telling the difference between how I interpret Dalinar's intentions and how Elhokar does.**

* * *

When Dalinar announced the latest part of his mad plan, Elhokar didn't even bother wasting time wondering if he was serious. If he'd been less of a coward he might have simply put his head down on the table and groaned, but as it was he just sat stiffly and let everyone else react around him.

"Brightlord, I know we have discussed this before," Teshav said, "but I think that the objections raised during that discussion still stand. You're talking about reforming the storming _Knights Radiant_ , people aren't going to be okay with that."

"They're going to have to get used to it," Dalinar said. Was he trying to sound to self-assured or was that just how his voice was? "The world is changing and people need to change with it."

"When people normally say that," Shadow grumbled from Elhokar's shoulder. "They are talking about legitimate progress not shaping the world to the whims of a old man with delusions of grandeur."

"I'm not sure I understand how you chose Amaram for this position," Navani said. "What makes him the right person?"

"He's an honorable man," Dalinar said. "He will lead the new Knights Radiant well."

"Why don't you just lead them yourself?" Elhokar muttered under his breath. He was a bit surprised by himself for saying it; it appeared Shadow was rubbing off on him. She buzzed appreciatively.

Dalinar looked at him eyebrows raised. Elhokar's stomach clenched. "Do you have something to add, son?"

"No," Elhokar muttered ducking his head. "Sorry for interrupting."

Dalinar looked at him for another moment then nodded curtly and returned to his conversation with Teshav.

* * *

"Do you have the wording down?" Dalinar asked as they rode to the dueling arena to watch Adolin's duel Elit.

"I've got it," Elhokar confirmed. "I've been practicing the script you gave me. I have it memorized."

Dalinar nodded in a slightly satisfied manner. "Good."

The duel and then boon scheme was actually a really good plan, the best one his uncle had ever attempted as far as Elhokar was concerned, which was probably because the girl Shallan Davar has been the one to come up with it. Elhokar was cautiously optimistic about this working and his high profile role in it meant that he would be directly responsible for correcting the error in judgment that had caused him to appoint Sadeas Highprince of Information in the first place. Shadow still got a little huffy when he referred to it like that but the way Elhokar saw it he really should have known better than to trust either of the two men who had helped his father kill his way into power.

"You're sure?" Dalinar asked again after barely a minute had passed. He was actually really worried about this plan and Elhokar couldn't tell if it was because he factored so prominently in it, or if Dalinar just really wanted to get Sadeas. He wasn't sure which he wanted to be.

"I've got it," he assured his uncle again. "It will be fine."

* * *

The thing about Elhokar's life that was somewhere between sad and ironic was that even when he did his utmost to be helpful and not to mess anything up, he always did anyway.

After everything at the duel fell apart, Elhokar practically fled back to the palace. Kaladin Stormblessed was in prison and Sadeas had wormed his way out the trap. It was all Elhokar's fault.

Elhokar slammed the door to his chambers in the face of his guards. Both were members of the old lighteyed guard. None of the bridgemen had even moved to follow when he'd left. Elhokar figured that they'd officially gone from simply being willing to stand by and let him die on Dalinar's orders to actively wanting him dead which was always a bad thing for your bodyguards. Things had never been worse.

Elhokar poured himself a goblet of violet wine. It was a pointless thing to do, but there was nothing he could do now. He knew what was coming, and he'd decided that he didn't want to be completely sober for it.

"I messed up," he said to Shadow. His hands were shaking so badly he could barely raise the goblet to his mouth without spilling it. "I really, really messed up this time."

She did not insult him by denying it. "I'll be right here with you," she said. "No matter what happens."

"Thank you," Elhokar whispered.

There were voices outside in the hallway. Elhokar drained the rest of the goblet and set it next to the pitcher before carefully stepping to the center of the room, trying to brace himself as best he could. The door opened and Dalinar Kholin, the Blackthorn, stalked him. His face was a mask of annoyance and his body was held stiffly. He did not look happy that his plans had been spoiled yet again.

Elhokar had entertained some small hopes of being able to meet Dalinar's wrath in a manly, stoic way fitting of a king, but the instant he saw his uncle the small measure of courage he'd managed to summon collapsed.

"I'm sorry; I panicked," he said, his words tripping over each other as they raced to get out of his body. "I had practiced just giving Adolin the boon, and I didn't know what to do when-"

"Do you understand how far behind Sadeas this has put us, son?" Dalinar interrupted. His voice was cool, much cooler than it had been the day he had thrown Elhokar around the room, but that did not make Elhokar feel any safer. He backed away by instinct, cursed himself for the cowardice, but didn't stop.

"You knew what you were supposed to do," Dalinar said. He sounded so calm. It was worse that it would have been if he was yelling. How was Elhokar supposed to know when he was going to attack like this? "There were ways to deal with Captain Kaladin without letting Sadeas get away. I was trusting you to find them."

Elhokar's back hit the wall. There was no where else to retreat to. When was Dalianar going to attack? When was he going to say that he had decided Elhokar wasn't worth the effort necessary to keep him alive? Elhokar was shaking so hard he felt like he was going to collapse. He could hear buzzing, but he wasn't sure if it was Shadow or his own ears.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered.

Dalinar ran a hand through his hair. "I know you are, son," he said. "We were just so close…"

"Brightlord," a voice said.

Dalinar turned towards the guard standing in the doorway. "Yes?"

The guard-Koen-saluted. "Brightlady Navani Kholin is outside. Do you want to see her?"

"Yes," Dalinar said. "Let her in."

Koen nodded and saluted again before heading out of the room. Dalinar didn't look away from the door and Elhokar tried to pull himself back to together. He cursed himself for being so weak. A _real_ Alethi man would be able act unaffected, but it had already been established that Elhokar was a failure at everything even performing gender. He shouldn't be surprised by how weak and unmasculine he was being.

Koen held the door open and Navani came in. She looked just as frustrated as Dalinar had. "I can't see any loopholes in Sadeas's response," she said to Dalinar. "I'll look more thoroughly, but I don't think we're going to be able to get him and Adolin into a dueling ring any sooner than next year like he specified."

Elhokar wanted to melt into the floor from shame.

"Thank you for trying," Dalinar said. He sounded tired not angry, which didn't make any sense.

Navani looked past Dalinar. "Are you alright, Elhokar?"

Too late, Elhokar realized he was still leaning against the wall like he was about to slide down to the floor (which to be fair, he was). He attempted to straighten up. "I'm okay," he said in a disgusting, trembling voice. "Everything's fine." He winced. What a lie.

"Elhokar," Navani said. "It's alright. You're not to blame for panicking; the bridgeman was out of line and should have realized that what he did would mess up the plan. There were better ways you could have dealt with the situation, but we'll find another way to corner Sadeas."

Elhokar couldn't handle it. He couldn't see Dalinar's face so he had no idea how he was reacting to what Navani was saying. Elhokar needed to get out of here. As far as he knew Navani didn't know what Dalinar had done to convince Elhokar to name him Highprince of War. Dalinar had probably never told her and Elhokar didn't want to know what Dalinar would do if the secret somehow got out. He needed to get away from here before he did something to blow it.

"I'm sorry," he got out. His voice was still trembling. "But I have...something...that I need to be doing. I should go."

He left the room without waiting for a response.

* * *

Surprisingly, Dalinar never moved to restart a conversation about Elhokar's failure at the duel. Elhokar had no idea why that was, but waiting for it was almost worse than it happening. He was barely sleeping. He was drinking more than ever. He was drowning in his own failure. Shadow tried to help, but Elhokar was mostly tuning her out these days. None of her encouragement was helpful, especially not now that there was ample proof that everything she said about him was a lie.

When Dalinar and the others made their plans to march into the Shattered Plains to take the Parshendi in their own home, Elhokar stayed out of the way. He'd made it blatantly clear that he ruined any plan he touched so it was for that was for the best. He couldn't even look any of the bridgeman guards in the face and half expected one to put a spear through his back in revenge. He half believed that was what he deserved.

* * *

In some ways, everyone leaving for the Shattered Plains and traditional Alethi glory was a relief, if only because it meant he could drink himself into a stupor without worrying about his mother or Dalinar walking in on him. Elhokar paced his chambers, goblet held in one hand. He was steady on his feet, but fully aware that was only because of the Stormlight. Shadow buzzed tensely on his shoulder. "Maybe you should stop," he said. "Or at least eat something; I'm worried about you."

"You shouldn't be," Elhokar said. "I've destroyed everything."

"Elhokar-"

"Don't give me any more of that," Elhokar spat. "This is exactly why I never wanted to become king. I never told you that before, did I? I wasn't really sad when my father died; I just really didn't want to be king. Granted, Dalinar was the only one who really was sad; Jasnah took our father's death as a person failure, and I don't know how Mother felt, but still: my father died and I was more worried about taking the position I'd been raised for from birth than sad for him!"

"Oh," Shadow said in a strange tone of voice. "You realize that was a Truth, don't you? Elhokar-"

And then Elhokar was falling through nothing. He reached out, fingers stretching for a table or a chair or anything to grab on to, but there was nothing. He braced himself to slam into the Soulcast stone floor, but he didn't. He splashed into an ocean of beads.

He sunk down into the beads, the descent slower than water but still steady. They closed over his head and he struggled, trying to swim back to the surface, but he just kept sinking further and further down. He thrashed in panic, but that only made him sink faster. Vaguely he could hear Shadow screaming for him, but he couldn't respond. There were beads in his ears and mouth and throat. He was going to drown in them. He was going to die here, wherever here was. He wanted to return to his chambers were it was safe. He wanted to go back to badly.

He back hit solid stone and the beads vanished. He was lying on his back on his chamber floor. Shadow was twisting in terrified circles next to his head, buzzing loudly.

"What was that?" he asked. His voice sounded wrong even though the beads were all gone. There was not even a taste left. "Please tell me it was a dream."

"That was Shadesmar," Shadow said tremulously. She was almost as freaked out as he was. "In time you'll learn to-"

Elhokar didn't wait to hear the rest of what she was going to say. He scrambled to his feet which were now unsteady for reasons that had nothing to do with all the alcohol he'd consumed. He crossed to the door and hauled it open. "Moash?"

"Yes?" Moash asked. "Your Majesty?" For something reason his honorifics always sounded tacked on, like he had to remind himself to say them.

"Get my carriage," Elhokar ordered. "I need to speak to your captain."

* * *

Kaladin Stormblessed was supposed to be confined to his quarters recovering from his chasmfiend wounds, too weak to come to the palace to supervise his men. Elhokar knew this because he'd asked for the man once or twice figuring that was probably what he was supposed to do in Dalinar's absence and had been told that the bridgeman couldn't come. Elhokar wasn't sure why he was surprised to find that Kaladin was actually well enough to go on walks around the warcamp in the middle of the Weeping but was still backing out of his duties; after all, Elhokar wouldn't want to be anywhere near the man that had gotten him thrown into prison either.

Knowing that, Elhokar wasn't sure why he was standing in the bridgeman's quarters waiting for him. He should go back to the palace, but he had no idea how to deal with what had just happened to him. Kaladin Stormblessed seemed like the only person who might be able to help. There had always been something not quite normal about him, even before Adolin had sworn up and down that the bridgeman had somehow healed from a Shardblade wound during the Assassin's attack.

"Your Majesty?" a voice asked just as Elhokar was starting to wonder if the bridgeman was ever going to return.

"Ah," Elhokar said, turning around. "Bridgeman. This is really all that Dalinar assigns one of his officers? That man. He expects everyone to live with his own austerity. It is as if he's completely forgotten how to enjoy himself."

Kaladin and Moash exchanged an obviously judging look and Elhokar hoped he wasn't turning red. He didn't really care what kind of quarters Dalinar had given Kaladin, he had just wanted to say something to cover up the awkwardness and to keep from getting carried away thinking about how much this man must hate him. Obviously, he'd just made things worse. Again.

He tried again, "I was told you were too weak to make the trip to see me. I see that might not be the case." Also bad. He winced internally. _Can't you say anything right?_

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty," Kaladin replied. "I'm not well, but I walk the camp each day to rebuild my strength. I feared that my weakness and appearance might be offensive to the Throne."

"You've learned to speak politically, I see," Elhokar loathed political-speak. It made it much too easy to read between the lines and think the speaker hated you, though, to be fair, most people did hate the people they used political-speak on. "The truth is that my command is meaningless, even to a darkeyes. I no longer have authority in the eyes of men."

Storms, that was way to honest. He should never have come here. He was panicky, exhausted and just a little too drunk to make good decisions about what to say. He should have waited until he could hold his tongue.

"Out, you other two," he ordered Moash and Taka. "I'd speak to this man alone." At least this way he'd only humiliate himself in front of Kaladin.

When Moash and Taka were gone, Elhokar tried to figure out what to say. He hadn't even know what he'd have said if Kaladin had come to the palace, and he wasn't entirely sure what had driven him to come here today.

"How did you know how to be a hero?" he blurted out.

The question surprised the bridgeman and it surprised Elhokar for a second too, but only for a second. He was supposed to be a Knight Radiant. How was he supposed to do that if he didn't know how to be a hero?

Kaladin said something inane about luck and then Elhokar was talking again. He was rambling about how he was always failing at being king and disappointing everyone. He'd never been this honest to anyone other than Jasnah and Shadow, and he could tell that he was making Kaladin uncomfortable. Finally Elhokar managed to rein in the torrent of words and cursed himself for coming here. He was in the exact wrong frame of mind for this.

"I want to be a king like my father was," he finished. "I want to lead men, and I want them to respect me."

"I don't…" Kaladin said. "I don't know if that's possible, Your Majesty."

Elhokar held himself very still. "Do you think me a bad king, bridgeman?" he asked slowly once he'd regained the ability to speak.

"Yes," Kaladin said.

He had the honestly, the decency, to look Elhokar in the eye as he said it and some very small part of Elhokar was grateful for that even as hearing someone say exactly what he'd feared people believed about him for most of his life tore him apart inside. He tried to balance the full soul-crushing weight of Kaladin's words where it wouldn't destroy anything major until he was safely alone.

"Well," he said because he needed to say something to make it seem like that word hadn't hurt. Gavilar would have just let the comment roll off and then magically it would have turned into ammunition he could use. Dalinar would have simply killed anyone who insulted him. Elhokar could do neither. All he could do was hang on and hope Kaladin couldn't see how that little word was going to destroy him. "I did ask. I merely have to win you over as well. I _will_ figure this out. I will be a king to be remembered." That sounded confident, right? Or did it just sound pathetic? He couldn't decide.

"Or you could do what is best for Alethkar and step down," Kaladin said, still brutally honest.

That almost broke Elhokar's precious wall of calm. "Do _not_ overstep yourself, bridgeman," he snapped. "I should never have come here."

"I agree," Kaladin said, coolly but without a hint of malice.

Elhokar fled. He did not mention the strange place full of beads.

* * *

After returning from the bridgemen's barracks, Elhokar headed directly for his chambers. He tried without success to ignore the presence of the other guards, but it was hard. They were whispering and shooting each other looks behind his back. Every once and a while he heard what they were saying, whispers of the same things Kaladin had said. They all thought he was a terrible king who should step down. They all thought Dalinar would be better off in charge.

Perhaps they were right. Who was to say that if Gavilar and Navani hadn't had another son that child wouldn't have become king? Perhaps if Gavilar had been able to see the true depths of his son's weakness and cowardice he would have made Dalinar heir. Elhokar had always assumed that his life would be better if Gavilar had survived but perhaps then his life would have ended in a convenient accident to get rid of an unworthy heir to the throne.

The guards would not stop whispering. It was driving Elhokar mad. He knew he was unfit. He knew that he was failing. Why did they have to rub his face in it?

By the time they reached his chambers he was shaking so badly he could barely stand. He pulled the door open by himself and leaned against it. What did it matter if he looked weak when everyone already knew he was?

"Stay out here," he told Moash and Taka. His voice was shaking and he hated it. He hated himself.

"But-Your Majesty-" Moash said. "How are we supposed to protect you if we can't see you?" His tone of voice sounded almost mocking but surely Elhokar was just imagining that.

"I don't care," Elhokar growled. "Stay out of my sight." Then he forced himself into his chambers and slammed the door behind him.

He stumbled across the room and poured a goblet of violet wine. He spilled a not inconsiderable amount all over the table, but he didn't care. He practically dumped the contents of the goblet down his throat and poured another and then another.

Shadow buzzed sharply. At some point she's transferred from his shoulder to the table. Though she had no face he got the distinct feeling that she was judging him with a raised eyebrow. " _What?_ " He asked.

"I wish you wouldn't drink so much," Shadow said. "Do you feel better about yourself when you do?"

"Does it matter?" Elhokar snapped.

"You don't need to do this," Shadow said. "You could do great things if you just tried."

"Haven't you been listening?" Elhokar asked. "The only great thing I could do is get out Dalinar's way." He downed another swallow of wine.

"Never," Shadow snarled. "You must never let that man gain any more power than he currently has."

"But I'm failing," Elhokar said choking back a sob. "You heard them. They all know it."

"Then you need to keep trying," Shadow said. "And if you fail again you need to try again. You are a Knight Radiant; you cannot lie down and let people take everything from you."

"Where are you pulling these delusions out of?" Elhokar finished off the goblet. "I'm not a Knight Radiant. Amaram is the leader of the Knights Radiant-or he was, at least-and no one would ever let me join magic powers or no magic powers."

"I chose you not Amaram," Shadow snarled. "Do you insult me by suggesting that I didn't know what I was doing?"

"You don't remember much about before you came here!" Elhokar shot back. He was shouting, but he found he didn't particularly care if the guards heard. "How do you know that you knew what you were doing?"

"I knew what I was doing," Shadow said sharply. "I remember enough to know that I knew."

Elhokar snorted and turned away from her. He went to refill his goblet, then just tossed it aside and drank directly from the bottle. The violet wine burned like fire going down, but he didn't care, he even enjoyed it.

"Elhokar," Shadow said, very quietly, almost like she was afraid to set him off again. "Regardless of everything, you really shouldn't be drinking tonight. Something bad is going to happen. It's not safe."

"I don't care," Elhokar said and took another swig from the bottle.


	4. Part Four

**I wish I could say that I've been working steadily on this part for the last seven months, but actually I've been stuck a scene and a half from the end for seven months because I started worrying that I wasn't ending it correctly and psyched myself out (yes, I'm aware of the irony of my social anxiety keeping me from finishing a story about a character having social anxiety). Hope you enjoy anyway.**

 **Also the plot of this fic finally derails from canon in this part. :)**

* * *

Elhokar had spent a not inconsiderable portion of his adult life watching Dalinar attempt to drown himself in alcohol. It had always been, bad but the worst had been the time when Dalinar had been passed out drunk during Gavilar's assassination. That night Elhokar had shaken him and screamed in his ear, but the older man hadn't woken, not even when the Cobalt Guard had come and had to carry him to safety.

Knowing that it was probably surprising Elhokar hadn't sworn off alcohol. To be fair, he had tried, but he hadn't been able to manage it. That was on the list of things he lowkey hated about himself. He hadn't even been able to avoid the mistake Dalinar had made which had cost Gavilar his life.

All this to say, Elhokar had long since passed out when Kaladin Stormblessed entered his chambers. Elhokar wasn't sure how long the bridgeman had been in the room before Shadow's incessant buzzing woke him. The bridgeman was nervous and talking too fast for Elhokar to follow. He was very drunk. Far too drunk. He let the bridgeman bundle him towards the door with minimal effort. Who was around to see him anyway? All the Highprinces were either galavanting across the Shattered Plains with Dalinar or hiding out in their warcamps plotting how to take power. The only people who would see where servants and guards who all thought Elhokar was a terrible king to begin with.

Vaguely he was aware that Kaladin had said something about assassins and all Elhokar could think was that the assassins must have been coming for Kaladin because even the Assassin in White didn't think Elhokar was worth the time it would take to kill him. He may have said as much, but he really couldn't remember well enough to say. He let Kaladin haul him out the door.

Someone lunged at them out of the shadows. Pain flared in Elhokar's side and the form lunging towards them dropped with Kaladin's spear in their stomach. It was a man in a Bridge Four uniform. He was unfamiliar, though that could have been because Elhokar was too drunk to remember him.

Elhokar's fingers went to his side and came away wet with blood. "I'm dead," he said. He couldn't believe it was that easy. One little stab and the failure king of Alethkar was done for. Shadow was buzzing softly, but he couldn't think straight enough to figure out what she was trying to tell him.

Kaladin pressed Elhokar's hand against the wound. "Keep pressure on that. We need to get out of the palace. Find safety somewhere."

It quickly became obvious that not only did Kaladin not know where they should hide but that he was injured too. Elhokar couldn't help but notice that a lot of the blood on the floor was the bridgeman's.

"I was wrong," he corrected himself. "We're both dead."

Kaladin growled and began pulling Elhokar along the hallway, grumbling under his breath about someone named Fleet. "What?" Elhokar asked.

"He couldn't win, but he kept running," Kaladin said, not really explaining what he was talking about at all. "And when the storm caught him, it didn't matter that he'd died, because he'd run for all he had."

To Elhokar it sounded like a pointless distinction. This Fleet person had still failed. People would only remember his failure; not how hard he'd tried. He wanted to tell the bridgeman that, but couldn't get his thoughts to line up enough to explain. "Sure. All right," he said instead, his voice sounding blurry even to his own ears.

Kaladin went on, rambling on about death and running, then he said, "And Elhokar, you've kept running since your father was killed, even if you screw up all the _storming_ time."

"Thank you?" Elhokar said, unsure whether that was a compliment or not.

Kaladin kept dragging him along the hallways, he was really trying to get him out. It was bizarre. "Why?" Elhokar asked. "Shouldn't you hate me?"

"I don't like you, Elhokar," Kaladin said, even while bleeding and dragging a drunk and bleeding king through the bowels of a dark palace he was still unflinchingly honest. "But that doesn't mean it's right to let you die."

"You said I should step down," Elhokar didn't understand. They were _Alethi_. In Alethkar someone not liking you and thinking you were bad at your job was grounds for assassination. "Why, bridgeman? Why help me?"

Kaladin didn't reply, but he also didn't leave Elhokar to die. Elhokar tried to keep up, but he was dizzy and tired, eventually he collapsed to the floor and lay still. He could feel Kaladin attempting to rebind his wound, but didn't try to move. Shadow was buzzing in Elhokar's ear, high pitched and frantic. Vaguely Elhokar was aware that she was on the verge of taking her chances and speaking.

"Kaladin?" another voice asked.

Kaladin's hands froze.

"Kaladin, what are you _doing_?" the person continued. They were male and sounded familiar though Elhokar couldn't tell for sure. "We found the men at the door to the king's room. Storms, did _you_ kill them?"

Very slowly, Kaladin got up and turned to face the newcomer. Only then did Elhokar realize what had just happened.

More assassins had arrived.

* * *

A surge of panic rushed through Elhokar. He inhaled sharply and Stormlight flowed into him from the spheres in his pockets. Instantly the pain in his side faded and his alcohol-clouded head cleared. He'd just healed himself. Belatedly, he realized this was probably what Shadow had been trying to remind him of. Still, he couldn't say he was particularly happy with this turn of events. "Great," he muttered. "Now I have to be fully cognizant when I get cut to shreds."

"You're catastrophizing," Shadow said, gently but firmly. Apparently, she'd decided that Kaladin-who was now debating with the assassins-was distracted enough not to notice two voices coming from the general vicinity of the king of Alethkar. "You don't need to die tonight. Get up and fight."

"How?" Elhokar moaned. "I can't even hold a Shardblade anymore."

"And that man can't even stand up straight," Shadow said her voice unyielding. "But he's still defending you against two to one odds."

Shadow was right. Captain Kaladin still stood over him, arguing with the assassins. The man was so badly injured. How was he still upright? Why was he still fighting? He'd admitted that he thought Elhokar was a bad king, why didn't he just stand aside and let the assassins finish their job? Dalinar could become king and everything would be better for everyone. Elhokar didn't want to die, but he knew that if he was truly selfless he'd be able to accept that Alethkar would be better off without him.

Evidently the assassins were wondering the same thing because one of them said, "Stormfather...Kal, how are you standing?" Now that he was sober Elhokar recognized the voice. It was Moash. He had been in charge of Elhokar's guard ever since Dalinar had left. That man wanted him dead. Elhokar didn't even feel shock, just numb horror. How many times had he turned his back on that man not knowing that he might be instants from a Shardblade through the back?

"You. Will. Not. _Have._ _Him_." Kaladin snarled. Elhokar turned his head just enough to see the shaking, swaying form the bridgeman standing over him, refusing to back down even though any sane person would have a long time ago.

"You can't just let him die for you," Shadow hissed. "Could you live with yourself if you did? _Do something!_ "

But Elhokar was practically frozen with sheer terror. He knew that he should do something, but he didn't know _what_. He couldn't even get his body to move.

"Finish this, Moash," the other assassin-this one thankfully unfamiliar-said.

Moash shifted a little, looking uncertain. "Storms. There's no need. Look at him. He can't fight back." After a brief pause he started forward, hefting his Shardblade. The sight of the blade turned Elhokar's stomach in a way that he didn't think was cowardice. "I'm sorry, Kal," the man said like what he was about to do would be hurting him more than it would be hurting Kaladin. "I should have made it quick at the start."

There was a long pause before Kaladin spoke. When he did it was not in the agonized, forced voice he'd been using before. His voice had taken on a strange distant quality, like he had just realized something he should have always known and needed to say it aloud just to hear that it was real. "I will protect even those I hate," he murmured. "So long as it is right."

Elhokar didn't know those Words, but he recognized the power behind them. They were special, like the ones he'd sworn after Dalinar had used him as a punching bag. On his shoulder, Shadow buzzed with agitation, muttering things too low and fast for him to understand. Something had her worked up.

"I can't…" Kaladin said after a moment, the distant tone gone from his voice. It sounded like he was responding to someone no one else could see or hear. The realization pooled inside Elhokar, hundreds of weird little things finally starting to add up to one huge conclusion.

Then Kaladin Stormblessed summoned a Shardblade.

* * *

The entire corridor exploded with Stormlight. Elhokar had to squeeze his eyes closed to keep from being blinded, and when he opened them again, Kaladin was standing straight, uninjured and literally glowing, a Shardblade clutched in one hand

"The Knights Radiant have returned," he said.

The unfamiliar assassin cried out and began rambling about some kind of diagram, but Elhokar wasn't listening. Kaladin's startling transformation had given him the push he needed to finally move. He scrambled to his feet and dove for the wall, yanking one of the heavy lamps off its hook. It was completely dark, all the spheres dun, but it was still plenty heavy enough to knock someone senseless with, which was exactly what Elhokar did to the rambling assassin.

"Oh, shut up. No one cares about your diagrams," he snarled. The words surprised him-they were more the kind of thing Adolin would have said-but Shadow buzzed in approval so he figured he couldn't have sounded too pathetic.

"Your Majesty!" Kaladin's hand snapped out and he shoved Elhokar back with unnatural strength. Elhokar slammed painfully into the wall and Moash's Shardblade flashed through the air where he had been a moment earlier.

Moash growled in frustration and turned in Elhokar's direction, Shardblade swinging. Elhokar dropped to the ground and rolled out of the way. Moash's Shardblade scored a deep groove into the wall and then Kaladin was driving his new Shardblade into Moash's back. The Shardplate cracked and dimmed, but remained intact.

Kaladin placed himself deliberately between Moash and Elhokar again. Elhokar scrambled gracelessly back to his feet, clutching the lamp in both hands. Kaladin glanced over his shoulder at him, his eyes had turned pale blue which made Elhokar start. Kaladin's gaze flashed down to the lamp. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Summon your Shardblade!"

For the first time in a long time, Elhokar really wanted his Shardblade; a lamp was useless against a full Shardbearer (practically everything was). However, he remembered the screaming and stopped himself from beginning the process of summoning. He would be useless with all that bellowing in his head. "I can't use it anymore," he said.

Kaladin had looked back to their enemy. The bridgeman's Shardblade was held defensively, but not in a particularly practiced way. It appeared that the one thing this man didn't know how to do was use a sword. He glanced at Elhokar again. "What do you mean you can't use it anymore?"

"It's a long story," Elhokar squeaked, anxiety creeping up.

He didn't have to figure out what Kaladin would have said in response, because Moash lunged, Shardblade swinging. Kaladin raised his own Blade in response, and the two Shardblades met in a blaze of Light that made Elhokar shield his eyes as he stumbled backwards. He wasn't sure what to do now. Without his Shardblade he was useless, but with it he would be too overwhelmed by screams to be of any help. Perhaps he should just run, but no, even he wasn't that much of a coward.

Kaladin and Moash were so absorbed in their fight that Elhokar was the only one who heard the boots of a group of men coming down the corridor towards them. He twisted around to put his back against the wall, stomach clenching with fear. "Bridgeman!" he called, and then when Kaladin didn't respond he tried again, "Kaladin!"

Kaladin jerked his head around and Elhokar pointed. Kaladin shoved Moash away and stepped back just as a squad of bridgemen guards pounded into sight. They all skidded to a stop as they took in the scene. "Ganco?" the one-armed one who was never on guard duty asked.

Moash burst into motion, grabbing the other assassin and swinging him over his shoulder before taking off down the corridor and vanishing into the darkness. No one moved to follow him, and for once Elhokar wasn't annoyed at people not tying up the loose ends in threats against his life. He sagged against the wall, limbs shaking as it began to sink in just how close to death he'd been.

"Ganco?" the bridgeman repeated. "What just happened?"

Kaladin was staring off in the direction that Moash had gone, and he turned back to the rest of them with an expression so grave the other bridgemen flinched back, though that could have been because of the lighteyes, which were somewhat shocking.

"Moash just tried to kill the king," Kaladin said.

* * *

The bridgemen guards fanned out to search for Moash, and Kaladin headed back for Elhokar's chambers at a run. Elhokar followed because he figured that the safest place to be right now was wherever Kaladin was, and because he had no idea what else to do. Kaladin was moving fast, lips moving like he was either thinking out loud or talking to something.

"He has a spren, doesn't he?" Elhokar asked Shadow under his breath.

"Yes," Shadow said, buzzing in a way that Elhokar was pretty sure was disapproving. He made a mental note to ask her about that once things calmed down, right now he had more important things to worry about.

Kaladin entered Elhokar's chambers, went straight to one of the lamps and began fishing the spheres out of it. "Is there any particular reason you decided that it was wise to rob me while in my presence?" Elhokar asked.

Kaladin jumped. Evidently, he hadn't noticed Elhokar following him and his spren hadn't bothered to tell him. "I need them," he said lamely.

Elhokar raised an eyebrow. "You'll have to forgive me my ignorance, but I'm fairly sure that most thieves use some variation of that excuse."

For a minute Kaladin didn't seem to know how to respond, then he looked Elhokar over, his brow furrowing. "How are you upright? You were blackout drunk and bleeding heavily from a side wound twenty minutes ago."

Too late, Elhokar realized that he should have been trying to formulate a lie for this. He didn't lie well under normal circumstances, but it was even worse when he had no time to plan. "Ummm...The excitement?" he offered lamely.

"That's not how that works," Kaladin said, doubtfully.

"Where are you going?" Elhokar asked, dodging the subject. "Are you going after Moash?"

"No," Kaladin said. "I need to do something about what Graves said before you knocked him out."

"What did he say?" Elhokar asked.

"You didn't hear him?" Kaladin said, looking at Elhokar like there was something wrong with him.

Elhokar felt himself shrink under Kaladin's gaze, his shoulders sinking inwards and his cheeks flaming red. "In my defense, I was a bit preoccupied with knocking him unconscious with a lamp," he murmured.

"He said that they were trying to separate me from Dalinar," Kaladin said after a moment, "Which means that-"

"Wherever Dalinar is exactly where you need to be," Elhokar interrupted. "I understand completely."

"Good," Kaladin said, like he was the king and Elhokar was the guard. "I'm going to find a safe place to hide you until I return. I don't think Moash will try again so soon but-"

"I'm coming with you," Elhokar said.

Kaladin blinked. "What?"

"I'm coming with you," Elhokar repeated with a vehemence that surprised even himself. "I just lost my sister and basically the rest of my family in on the plains with Dalinar. I'm coming along to see that they're all safe."

"Your Majesty, you can't come," Kaladin said in a tone of voice that hinted that he was at least trying to respectful. "I can't fight the Assassin in White and protect you at the same time."

"I know that you have a spren," Elhokar said forcing himself to maintain eye contact even though he was becoming increasingly fearful he was making a fool out of himself. "That's what you need the spheres for."

Kaladin stared at him. "How do you…"

"And as for protecting me," Elhokar barreled on. "You do have a point about the drunkenness and injuries, so I suppose you won't have to worry much about protection."

Kaladin stared at him, his jaw slightly slack. "It can't be," he said. "Why _you_?" There was such incredulity in his voice that Elhokar wanted to shrink into the ground and hide.

"I don't know," he admitted, then forced himself to straighten up. "But I am coming with you no matter what."

* * *

Kaladin gave in rather quickly after that, which might have been because he wanted to get moving and didn't want to waste anymore time arguing. Before they left, Elhokar changed out of his blooded clothes. The last thing he wanted was to have to explain to his mother why he was soaked in his own blood, especially since there was no wound. He changed into heavy pants and sturdy boots before pulling on a Kholin uniform coat. This one was a relatively simple one he'd had little reason to wear since becoming king. He was almost surprised that it still fit.

After changing he stuffed his pockets with spheres and shoved a knife down each boot. Then he crossed to the wall and pulled down the sword that hung over the bed, a gift from one Highprince or another many years before. It was a shorter sword than a Shardblade, and much heavier but it would do in a pinch. He needed some kind of weapon if he couldn't use his Shardblade.

He half expected Kaladin to be gone when he returned, but the bridgeman was still there, studying the sky from the balcony doorway. "We need to move," he said turning towards Elhokar. "I don't like the look of the clouds. If it wasn't the Weeping I'd say that there was a Highstorm coming."

"Well, I'm ready to go," Elhokar said, tightening his sword belt.

"What is wrong with your Shardblade?" Kaladin asked, his eyes narrowed.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with it," Elhokar said, looking away. "I think it's more that something's wrong with me." After a moment he admitted, "I hear screaming when I touch it."

Kaladin tilted his head to the side like he was listening to someone Elhokar couldn't hear. After a moment he said, "Syl says it has something to do with the nature of most Shardblades, but she's being evasive, per usual."

It took Elhokar a moment to realize he was talking about his spren, and by the time he did Kaladin was speaking to the invisible spren apparently not caring that anyone could hear him. He was practically glowing with happiness, the way someone would if they unexpectedly met up with an old friend after too long. Elhokar envied that kind of self-confidence. Shadow buzzed, sounding like she was trying to be annoyed about the existence of Kaladin's spren but failing. Elhokar would have to ask her about that at some point.

"Umm," he interrupted after a moment. "You said something about getting going?"

* * *

That was how Elhokar ended up flying over the Shattered Plains. Actually, they were really falling, which was disconcerting though easier to bear once Elhokar reminded himself that since they were literally falling parallel to the ground they weren't going to hit anything unless Kaladin started daydreaming and didn't see a mountain. The entire trip took far less time than Elhokar had thought it would. Soon they could see the armies ahead and an ominous storm cloud gathering beneath them.

"What were you saying about it looking like a Highstorm?" Elhokar yelled to Kaladin, but the bridgeman didn't seem to be able to hear him over the wind.

They zipped over the storm and army and then something shot up into the air past them. It was moving so fast that it took Elhokar a moment to even realize it was a person let alone that it was his uncle.

Kaladin swore aloud and shot upwards. He touched Dalinar's ankle and halted his strange upwards fall, then he returned to Elhokar's side. "The Assassin in White," Kaladin said. "I'm going to let you down with Dalinar. I have a score to settle."

Elhokar nodded. He did not have the skills to face the Assassin; he would have to trust Kaladin to take care of it.

"Good," Kaladin said and touched Elhokar's arm. Instantly Elhokar began to descend. The bridgeman did the same to the flabbergasted Dalinar then shot further up into the sky. For a second Elhokar wasn't sure what Kaladin was doing then he realized that he was preparing for a dramatic entrance. Elhokar grinned and focused on the fast approaching ground. He was an arm's length from his uncle, but Dalinar seemed so shocked by the experience that he didn't seem to notice Elhokar's presence.

Kaladin flashed past them and slammed into the ground in a wave of Stormlight, Shardblade already in hand. Elhokar and Dalinar landed a moment later with much less flash. The Assassin in White stared at them with slack-jawed shock, looking like his world had caved in on itself. Elhokar straightened up and saw looks of confusion on the bridgemen's faces as they recognized him and started to wonder what he was doing here.

Dalinar finally noticed Elhokar as well. " _Elhokar_? What are you doing here? It's not safe! I don't have time to keep an eye on-"

"Seek shelter," Kaladin said over Dalinar. "We flew over a storm on my way here… a big one. Coming from the west."

"We're in the process of withdrawing," Dalinar confirmed.

"Hurry," Kaladin urged. "I will deal with our friend."

Dalinar began to turn away, then paused and looked back. "Kaladin? You _are_ what I've been looking for."

"Yes," Kaladin said. It sounded like an admission. "Finally." And he walked away. The other bridgemen threw him lanterns so he could take the Stormlight from inside.

Elhokar dug around in his pockets. About half the infused gems he'd brought with him had gone dun; Kaladin had probably used them during the flight across the Shattered Plains. Elhokar grabbed the nearest lamp from a soldier. The man tried to stop him for a moment before realizing he was the king and letting him have the lamp. Elhokar pried it open, fished out the gem and shoved it into his pocket. Something told him it would be a bad idea to run out of Stormlight today.

When he turned back around, Dalinar was looking at him. "I believe the bridgeman said something about a retreat?" Elhokar asked to forestall any comments his uncle was about to make.

Dalinar visibly set aside his annoyance with Elhokar's appearance and hurried away, shouting for updates. Elhokar followed, the wind whipping at his clothes and hair. Shadow buzzed on his shoulder. "It's not safe," she said. "You need to get off the plateaus. _Now_."

Dalinar reached Adolin who was dirty and bloody and no longer wearing his Shardplate. Dalinar moved to help him up as Elhokar caught up. However, Adolin didn't take Dalinar's hand. He was staring at something at the edge of the plateau. "Father," he said and pointed shakily.

Elhokar whirled around and saw a figure in Shardplate hauling themself up onto the plateau. It was the Parshendi Shardbearer. Eshonai.

* * *

Adolin and the two bridgemen who were carrying parts of his Shardplate swore. "I thought she'd fallen into the chasm!" Adolin said.

"Evidently not," Dalinar said summonding the Shardblade he'd bonded to trick Amaram. Adolin struggled to his feet, looking like he was seconds from collapsing again and held out his hand for his Shardblade. Elhokar drew his own sword and got a look from Dalinar. "Elhokar, draw your Shardblade."

Elhokar pretended not to hear him. That was only going to be a temporary fix. It was very possible that his secret wasn't going to survive this. He'd been on the Shattered Plains for less than five minutes and he'd already probably done too many strange things to get away with Dalinar forgetting about them.

Right now, however, Eshonai was the problem. She summoned her Shardblade and charged across the plateau towards them. Dalinar lunged forward and ducked under Eshonai's Shardblade before getting in a rather solid hit though he didn't manage to crack the Plate. He twisted out of the way of her counterswing and backed away.

Adolin struck next. Eshonai blocked, but he disentangled their blades and swung again, this time managing to crack the Plate over her abdomen. She swung wildly at him and caught him in the side of the face with the flat of her blade. He flew backwards, slammed into the ground and lay still.

Eshonai stepped towards Adolin. She probably wanted his Shardblade to take back to her people. Elhokar's legs and hands were shaking but he lunged towards her, ignoring Dalinar yelling for him to back off. He managed to get the tip of his sword into the crack Adolin had created in her armor and tried to pry it bigger, but her counterswing cut through his sword like butter and then kept on traveling until it sliced through his thigh as well.

All feeling vanished from Elhokar's leg and he collapsed to the ground, still clutching the handle of his ruined sword. The world was faded and far away. He felt like he was about to pass out. Vaguely he was aware of Dalinar howling in rage, but he couldn't figure out why Dalinar would be upset his useless nephew had gotten hurt.

Eshonai flipped her Shardblade over and raised it to stab down on Elhokar. He grappled at the ground and literally dragged himself backward out of her reach. She moved to follow, but Dalinar threw himself at her back and she had to turn away. Elhokar pulled himself level with Adolin's motionless form and collapsed panting and shaking with what was likely shock. "What now?" he asked, mostly to himself.

"Elhokar," Shadow said. "I think it's time for you to tell me that Truth you've been avoiding."

* * *

The world almost stopped. Elhokar remembered when Shadow had realized he was keeping something from her and how she'd suggested that he tell her. He'd refused, and he wanted to refuse now too. If anything, her knowing would only make this situation worse. "What difference would that make?" he asked.

"It would make all the difference," Shadow said. "If there was ever a time to tell it, it would be now."

For a minute, Elhokar tried to imagine telling her then shied away from the thought. The enormity of the situation crashed down on him. He felt like he was going to cry. He'd failed in his one attempt at being heroic, at saving someone, and now on top of thatShadow wanted him to reveal his deepest most shameful secret.

"I can't tell you," he whispered, tears clogging his throat. "If I tell you, you'll leave me and find someone better."

"Elhokar," Shadow said, unfathomably gently. "That's a lie. I trust you. I quite literally put my life on the line to come be with you. I will never leave you. Not unless you decide that I am no longer important to you. Do you understand that? You can trust me. You can always trust me."

Elhokar lifted his head and squinted through his tears. Eshonai was slashing at the bridgemen and Dalinar with her Shardblade. They were doing decently, but they wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer; her Shardplate put her at a distinct advantage. Adolin lay curled against Elhokar, eyes half-lidded. It was impossible to tell how aware he was of his surroundings. There were no visible blue flashes in the sky either, so the chances of Kaladin swooping in to the rescue were low. That only left Elhokar, in probably the one place no one had ever wanted him to be: the only person who could do anything.

"Elhokar," Shadow murmured. "Please."

He took a breath that was half sob and the rest pure shaking. He couldn't do it. He couldn't. No one could ever know. It had to be a secret. That was the only way he'd ever safe and he so desperately wanted to be safe.

"The things people say," he said, his voice thin and wobbly in a way that would have been pathetic on a child, let alone a grown man, "About me being weak and cowardly and not a real Alethi." He could barely breathe, but somehow managed to suck in enough air to go on, "It's all true." Another deep breath. Shadow buzzed encouragingly. "I hate fighting. I hate killing," Elhokar pushed the words out through his tight chest and shaking lips. His face was soaked in tears. "I know I'm supposed to want to fight and prove my strength, but I don't. It's sickening. I'm a coward and failure, and I think everyone can tell."

For a long moment Shadow said nothing. She simply buzzed comfortingly and he felt a light pressure against his hair like she was trying to nuzzle him but couldn't quite manage it. Then she said, gently, like nothing he had just said changed her opinion of him, "The truth has been accepted. Thank you for telling me that, Elhokar."

Then something clanked against the ground to his left. He turned to see his Shardblade lying on the ground next to him. He wasn't sure how he knew that his connection to it had been severed, but somehow he knew. Slowly he began to realize why Shadow had been so insistent that he needed to confess this truth right now. "Shadow," he said, very slowly. "Will I be able to…"

"We will together," she confirmed. "I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do, but if you want to help, I'll be right there with you."

Elhokar looked back to the fight. The bridgemen and Dalinar were holding up better than he ever would have thought, but the odds had not changed. They would be dead unless Elhokar did something. The thought of what he needed to do made him sick to his stomach with a combination of revulsion and sheer terror, but if he didn't...

He pawed through his pockets and spilled his few infused gems and the larger one he'd taken from the lamp onto the ground. It would have to be enough Stormlight. He was thinking about the way that Adolin had sworn he'd seen Kaladin take a Shardblade through the arm during the Assassin in White's attack even though Kaladin had been fine afterwards. Now that he knew what Kaladin was, Elhokar was pretty sure he knew why that was.

He breathed in some Stormlight and pushed it through his body towards his injured leg. The limb nearly exploded back into life. It hurt a lot, but at least he'd be able to walk now. He gathered remaining infused gemstones in shaking hands and breathed in, drawing the Light into himself. He dropped the darkened gems to the ground and got to his feet. Stormlight was rising from his skin making him glow slightly.

Eshonai had managed to disarm Dalinar and the bridgemen were mobbing her to give him time to summon his blade again. She knocked one of the bridgemen to the ground and raised her Shardblade for the final blow. Elhokar lunged forward with a burst of Stormlight-enhanced speed, adrenaline completely numbing the pain in his leg. As he ran he held a hand out to his side and a Shardblade formed near-instantaneously in his grasp. The speed was so shocking after years with his old Shardblade that he almost dropped it. When his grasp finally tightened around it there was no screaming.

Eshonai brought her Blade down towards the bridgeman, but Elhokar was there, his Blade colliding with hers in a flash of sparks. She looked up in what Elhokar thought might be surprise, though he couldn't tell while she was wearing the faceplate.

"There's no honor in slaughtering ordinary people with that thing," Elhokar said with a lot more confidence than he privately felt. Stormlight puffed from his lips with every word. "Use it on someone who can actually fight back."

She pulled back, lifting her Blade into a defensive stance. The sight of that Shardblade curdled Elhokar's stomach. There was something really wrong with it, with all the Shardblades he'd grown up around, that had never been more clear than in the presence of the Blade Elhokar now held, which radiated Light like a star.

When he lifted his new Shardblade into a defensive stance of his own, he got a good look at it for the first time. It was thin like his old Shardblade, with a relatively small crossguard. It was actually a bit shorter than most Shardblades, about the same length as the sword Eshonai had so quickly dispatched of. He wasn't disappointed, however, if anything, this felt right, like what his Shardblade was supposed to be like.

He glanced at the bridgemen who was scuttling backward, eyes wide, then lifted his gaze to Eshonai again. Over her shoulder he saw Dalinar standing a handful of paces distant, Shardblade held slackly at his side, gaping.

"What is this?" Eshonai asked. She spoke Alethi with a rhythm that Elhokar remembered from the negotiations before his father's death. This one sounded harsher, more grating somehow. "How did you heal?"

"The Knights Radiant have returned," Elhokar said, holding his Shardblade as steadily as possible in an attempt to hide his shaking hands. He knew what was coming and he really was not looking forward to it. "Or hadn't you heard?"

He never got to figure out how Eshonai would have responded to that, because the wind picked up and red lightning began to strike the ground. The freak Highstorm had arrived. Eshonai looked up at the storm cloud then turned and ran off across the plateau, probably to get out of the way. Dalinar took a swing at her as she passed, but his attention was still mostly focused on Elhokar and she dodged it easily.

Elhokar turned and dashed across the plateau to Adolin. He dropped his Shardblade as he moved and it vanished. He knelt down next to his cousin and checked his pulse. "Well, he's alive," he muttered to Shadow. "That's a plus, unless of course we all get washed right off this plateau."

"Elhokar!" Dalinar's hand closed on Elhokar's shoulder like a vice and he jumped.

"What?" he yelped pulling away.

"What was that? You're a Knight Radiant?" Dalinar looked like he didn't know how to wrap his mind around what he'd just witnessed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

That was not something Elhokar wanted to discuss. Definitely not now, probably not ever. "We need to get out of here," he said instead. "We're about to be blown off this plateau by an unanticipated Highstorm." He pointed over Dalinar's shoulder.

Dalinar looked behind him and winced. "Yes, you're probably right. Let's move."

* * *

The bridgemen carried Adolin's Plate and Dalinar and Elhokar supported Adolin between them. Adolin was barely conscious and barely able to move so they were basically carrying him. At first it wasn't bad, but Elhokar was fast running out of Stormlight so Adolin kept getting heavier and heavier. Dalinar didn't seem to be having much of a problem, but he was in considerably better shape than Elhokar was. Elhokar was gaining new respect for just how hard Kaladin must have worked to haul him through the palace earlier that night.

The Alethi armies were gathering on a circular plateau, hunching down. That seemed rather ridiculous with a Highstorm about to hit them, but Elhokar had never weathered a Highstorm outside before, so perhaps this was what you were supposed to do. He was afraid to ask Dalinar for fear of revealing the depths of his ignorance on the subject. However, Dalinar didn't seem like this was what he expected either, he kept looking around like he expected to see something.

The wind from the Highstorms was whipping across the plateaus. It almost lifted them off their feet as they dashed across the last bridge. The plateau was so crammed with soldiers they were only able to push their way a few yards off the bridge. Another gust of wind slammed into them and Dalinar dragged Elhokar and Adolin down onto the ground. "Find something to hang onto!" he shouted as the wind died. "This is not ideal and we don't want to be blown away!"

"Then why are we out here?" Elhokar yelled back. "Isn't there a place we could take cover? Where do the Parshendi go during Highstorms?"

"It's more complicated than that!" Dalinar replied. He went on, but the rest of his words were swept away by the gathering wind.

Wind and rain slammed into them from all sides. Elhokar clung to an outcropping of rock with one hand and Adolin with the other. The wind tried to rip him away from the ground or away from his cousin, but he held on to the best of his ability. He wished for Stormlight to aid his grip, but his reserves had worn out and all his gems were dun. He had nothing but his own strength and determination to help him hold on. The wind raged against him trying to lift him away.

And then it was gone. The howl of the wind died down and the rain stopped. For a second Elhokar thought it was just a calm in the storms, but the seconds dragged by and no return of the storm came. Slowly, Elhokar lifted his head and his mouth dropped open in shock.

They were in a completely different place.

It wasn't just that the storms were gone, it was that they were an entirely different place. They were up in the mountains and the air was cool but fresh. It was like they'd just teleported far away from the Shattered Plains.

"What the-" Elhokar turned to Dalinar. "What just happened?"

Dalinar climbed to his feet looking pleased and not at all surprised by the change of scenery. "Elhokar," he said with a surprisingly boyish grin. "Welcome to Urithiru. Navani!" he lifted a hand over his head and waved.

Elhokar looked in the same direction as him and saw Navani standing in the entrance way of a small building, looking out at this new place. Next to her stood Shallan Davar holding a glowing Shardblade.

* * *

Urithiru had been abandoned for centuries and all the furniture was gone. Still rank went a long way and a few rooms were soon filled with pallets for the Kholin family. Adolin was set up on one and looked after by a surgeon. Dalinar stayed just long enough to make sure that his son was going to be alright before leaving to get the troops in order. Elhokar thought about going along, since that was probably his job, but he wasn't sure he understood what he needed to do and perhaps Dalinar would rather he stayed out of the way.

Instead he stayed with Adolin. It was the least he could do and also something that would be hard to mess up. He could wake Adolin every hour or so and make sure he still knew where he was, and with Elhokar sitting with him Dalinar and Navani and the surgeons could go do other things. It was sound logic, and if it avoided the inevitable conversation he had to have with Dalinar, all the better.

The room they had put Adolin in had no windows, and was lit only by an oil lamp set in the center of the room. Elhokar sat on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest, watching the flame in the lamp dance.

"Is something wrong?" Shadow asked.

"I don't know," Elhokar said. "Dalinar knows now, which means that by now Mother does as well. I can't decide if that's a good thing or not."

There was a long pause while Shadow considered her response. "You know how I feel about Dalinar, but I can't help but think that this is a good step. You cannot keep hiding away what you are. You are meant to do great things."

"You're sure about that?"

"Of course I am," Shadow said. "I always have been," she paused for a moment then went on, "For what it's worth, I always knew you didn't like fighting and killing. It's one of the reasons I chose you. I wouldn't want to be bound to someone who was going to randomly fly into a blood-rage while swinging me around."

"If you already knew," Elhokar murmured, "Why did you make me confess it?"

"Because the Truths aren't about me and what I need to know," she said. "They're entirely about you."

* * *

The oil in the lamp was much lower when someone knocked tentatively on the door. Elhokar's stomach clenched and for a second he was convinced it was Dalinar coming to confront him about the secrets he'd been keeping, but after a moment common sense took over. Dalinar probably wouldn't have knocked and if he had he wouldn't have sounded so cautious. "Enter," Elhokar called.

The door opened and Renarin stepped in looking worried. Elhokar relaxed, he hadn't seen his younger cousin since the surgeons had announced that Adolin would be fine. "Hello, Renarin," he greeted. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm playing messenger," Renarin explained. "Father is holding a meeting of Radiants and he asked me to tell you where they're meeting."

"When?" Elhokar asked.

"In about twenty minutes," Renarin admitted. "Father said he had something he needed to take care of first."

Elhokar wondered if Dalinar had forgotten that Elhokar needed time to mentally prepare himself for things or if he simply didn't care. After a moment he decided he really didn't want to know. "Where is the meeting taking place?"

Renarin looked down at the floor, then back up and then away again. "Actually," he said. "I was wondering if I could come with you to the meeting. I think I should be there."

It took Elhokar a minute to realize exactly what his cousin was implying. "Wait," he said. "You're a-" he couldn't make himself say "Knight Radiant" out loud, "Too?"

Renarin nodded. "For months," he said quietly. "I was afraid that if I told someone they would think I was insane."

That was a reaction Elhokar had never thought of, he'd been so worried about no one taking him seriously if they figured out he was a Knight Radiant that he'd never stopped to wonder if anyone would actually believe him.

An awkward silence descended between him and Renarin. Elhokar was aware that by the rules of social convention he was supposed to say something about how he was sorry Renarin hadn't felt secure enough to confide in him, but Elhokar would have done the same thing if he'd been in his cousin's position-he had done the same thing. It felt wrong to claim otherwise, even if it was just to have something to say.

"So…" Renarin ventured just as the silence was on the verge of becoming unbearable. "Can I come with you to this meeting?"

"Sure," Elhokar said scrambling to his feet in a decidedly unkingly manner. "If you want Dalinar to know about you, you can come."

"Of course I want him to know," Renarin said.

Elhokar almost said that he wished Dalinar didn't know about his powers, but held himself back. Until Sadeas's betrayal, he would have wanted Dalinar to know about and approve of his powers too. He couldn't begrudge Renarin for still wanting his father's approval.

"Come on," he said, taking one last look a Adolin who appeared to be sleeping peacefully. "Where is this meeting going to be?"

* * *

Renarin lead him up flight after flight of stairs. It took Elhokar a little while to realize they were going to the top of the city, which was probably a good thing as that it cut back on the chances that they would take a wrong turn and end up lost. All they needed to do was keep climbing up flights of stairs until they ran out.

Finally after far to many flights of stairs to count they arrived in a room with eleven pillars and huge glass windows on all sides, the type of thing that would not survive Highstorms. Elhokar couldn't completely contain his awe. This was not the sort of thing you saw in Alethkar.

The room was not empty, but Dalinar was nowhere in sight. Kaladin Stormblessed and Shallan Davar were mingling amongst the pillars, studying them. They both looked up when Elhokar and Renarin came in. Shallan had obviously made an attempt to clean herself up since they'd arrived, but her scout's clothes were still visibly torn and stained. Kaladin looked exactly like you'd expect someone who had just been fighting the Assassin in White in the middle of a double Highstorm to look: windblown and dirty. Elhokar hoped the Assassin looked worse.

"Where's my father?" Renarin asked, thankfully putting voice to the question Elhokar didn't think he could have asked without embarrassing himself.

"Up on the roof," Shallan said. "He said he needed to talk to the Stormfather."

Shadow buzzed appreciatively. "She is a Lightweaver, like you. Much better than a Windrunner."

"Lightweaver?" Elhokar hissed under his breath. Kaladin and Shallan both seemed distracted enough by Renarin not to notice the king talking to a random pattern on his shoulder, though perhaps that was something he could do without judgment now that everyone knew he was a Knight Radiant.

"That's your Order," Shadow said, sounding fond. "Now that everyone knows you're Radiant, we should talk about these things."

That did not answer Elhokar's question, not even slightly, but at least now he knew Orders were a thing he knew that he'd have to pretend to know about them.

Kaladin and Shallan were still talking to Renarin. Apparently, he'd admitted to being a Knight Radiant and they were congratulating him. Elhokar was pretty well forgotten which was okay with him. He slid past them and walked to the impossible east-facing windows. As he approached them he caught a glimpse of his own reflection. He looked tired and dirty and rumpled in a way he never had in his entire life. Given that he'd picked a fight with a full Shardbarer while carrying an ordinary sword he figured he probably could have looked a lot worse.

Footsteps sounded on the steps coming down, Elhokar didn't even need to turn to know it was Dalinar. He tensed. He shouldn't have come here.

"Well?" Kaladin asked.

Elhokar turned just enough to watch without looking like he was watching. Dalinar pulled out a sphere and inhaled the light.

Elhokar's ears rang and Shadow buzzed in frustration. Elhokar listened in shock as Dalinar spoke to the others, relaying how he had bonded with the Stormfather-the storming _Stormfather_ -and how the spren had called him Bondsmith.

"How?" Elhokar breathed, so faintly that he doubted any person could have heard him.

Shadow buzzed again. "He knew the Words," she said. "He said them and the Stormfather had to bond with him."

Rage exploded in Elhokar's stomach. Not only had Dalinar managed to do something which had been making Elhokar's life even harder than it needed to be for months in a matter of hours, he hadn't even done it by finding a spren that wanted to bond with him. He'd literally forced the Stormfather-the Stormfather!-to bond with him just because that was what he wanted, and Dalinar Kholin always- _always_ -got what he wanted.

"And you don't have any doubts about the ethics of what you've just done, do you, Uncle?" Elhokar said.

"What was that, Elhokar?" Dalinar asked.

Elhokar tensed up with a jerk he knew was obvious. He'd thought he was speaking quietly enough not to be overheard, but there must have been a lull in their conversation. Very slowly he turned fully around. The others were all looking at him. He tried to stop hunching his shoulders, tried to stand up straight and proud the way every other member of his family had always been able to do without thought.

"Do you have a concern?" Dalinar asked. He probably didn't mean to sound condescending, Elhokar tried to keep reminding himself of that.

"Yes," Elhokar said, trying to make himself sound confident. Everyone else always made it seem so easy. "Yes. You just admitted to forcing an incredibly powerful, otherworldly being to bond with you against his will. You really think there's nothing wrong with that?"

Elhokar was not calm and collected the way he'd always imagined he'd be when he daydreamed about being able to do things like this. His hands and knees shook and his voice wavered, but he was speaking. He was not allowing fear to silence him, and for the first time he almost believed that was enough.

"It's necessary," Dalinar said. "The world is in danger."

"That does not make it better!" Elhokar snapped. "Terrifying, threatening and forcing people to do what you want isn't alright even if it's for the greater good!" He was shocked by the force of his vehemence. He hadn't realized that disgust was hiding under his fear of Dalinar. The Stormfather was a completely different type of being than Elhokar was, but all he could see was that this was just another example of Dalinar strong-arming someone into doing what he wanted.

Dalinar stared at him in awe-struck silence. In fact, everyone was staring. They looked like they'd just seen an incredibly well-trained but very stupid axehound speak. Elhokar tried not to pay attention to them. Already, all his insecurities were creeping back. He hated conflict and wanted this to be over. He resisted the urge to apologize; he had meant what he'd said, he shouldn't have to apologize for it.

Still Dalinar stared. Elhokar fought the part of himself that wanted to apologize, wanted to grovel, wanted to beg. He was a Knight Radiant and Shadow had _chosen_ to bond with him, not been forced like the Stormfather had. For once, Elhokar had the moral high ground.

He saw the moment when Dalinar broke through his anger and truly saw Elhokar. He saw the moment when Dalinar realized that Elhokar was right. He saw the moment when Dalinar realized Elhokar was afraid of him. Dalinar looked crushed and Elhokar instinctively felt bad for him, but squashed the feeling with as much force as he could.

"Elhokar…" Dalinar began. He looked like he was searching for words. "You have to realize that I-"

"No," Elhokar cut in. "I have no desire to stand here and listen to you attempt to justify your actions. I do not approve of the way you achieve your goals and if you want my and Alethkar's support in this you will never do something like this again. And I can give you an ultimatum, because I'm pretty sure every political advisor from here to Shinovar would agree that I should stop taking your advice before I end up dethroned."

"Elhokar-"

"I am the king of Alethkar. Not you," Elhokar went on. "And if I ever have need for someone to terrify, attack, pillage and ultimately kill my enemies, I'll know right where to look." Dalinar winced, but Elhokar refused to react. "On that note," he said. "Good day, Uncle." And he fled the room while he still had the last word.

* * *

He'd hoped that he might have managed to remain confident in his actions, but by the time he reached the room where Adolin was resting he was near panic.

"That was a mistake. That was a mistake. That was a mistake," he said, pacing the length of the dimly lit room. "He's going to kill me. I mean _literally_ kill me."

"You did well," Shadow soothed. "I'm proud of you."

"What good will that do me when I get the Stormfather as a Shardblade through the back?" Elhokar asked, his voice was high and brittle and he hated it. "Even if Dalinar decides nepoticide isn't for him, I basically just publicly cut ties with him. I can't rule Alethkar alone-I don't know how-but I also don't know who to trust as advisors."

"There's your mother," Shadow said. "I know that she's dating your uncle, but you are still her child. Even if she tries suggesting things for Dalinar she'll be good enough to tell you that's what she's doing."

Elhokar hung his head. "I wish Jasnah was here."

"So do I."

Elhokar jumped. The voice was not Shadow's. He turned to see that Adolin was awake and looking up at him. Elhokar felt color rush into his face. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long," Adolin said. "Are you okay? You seem anxious."

"Am I ever not?" Elhokar snapped then realized that was way to honest. "Whatever," he said, waving a hand. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I feel like I got pounded by a full Shardbearer," Adolin said with a rueful smile. "Sore. Are you sure you're alright? I would have thought you'd be celebrating."

"Celebrating what?" Elhokar asked, crossing the room and sitting down cross-legged beside his cousin's pallet.

"What you did before with the Stormlight and the new Shardblade," Adolin said. "You're a Knight Radiant, aren't you?" his face broke his into a huge grin. "It's awesome."

Elhokar blinked in surprise. It had been a long time since he'd done something either of his cousins thought was awesome. "You saw that?" he asked. "I thought you were unconscious."

"I have drifting in and out," Adolin said, shrugging like he was deliberately trying to seem nonchalant. "I was awake for that whole part. I heard everything."

It took Elhokar a moment to realize Adolin was trying to say that he'd heard the Truth Elhokar had sworn without actually saying it aloud. Elhokar's stomach clenched and his shoulders tensed. "Adolin…" he said, trying to figure out what to say. "I-"

"No," Adolin said. "Don't say anything. I don't want you to feel like you have to explain or justify yourself. You saved my life today and I'm thankful; nothing else matters. I only brought it up because I felt like you should know I knew."

"Okay," Elhokar said quietly, unsure what else to say.

"Also," Adolin said. "It occurs to me that you've kind of been left out of the family recently. We've all been so worried about Aunt Navani refusing to admit that Jasnah's gone, that no one's thought to check how you're holding up." he paused. "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Holding up?"

"I'm fine," Elhokar said. Shadow buzzed but he ignored her. "Thank you for asking."

"Well, if you ever want to talk," Adolin said. "About _anything_ , I'm here. We're cousins; we should stick together no matter what."

"Does that offer still stand if I tell you that I may just have burned bridges with your father?" Elhokar ventured.

"Of course," Adolin said with a smile. "Weren't you listening? We're _family_."

Elhokar smiled cautiously back and Shadow buzzed in approval. He hadn't realized he'd even wanted what Adolin was offering and he didn't know how long it would take him to work up the courage to actually take his cousin up the offer, but knowing it was there was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. "Thank you," he said, somewhat awkwardly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Good," Adolin grinned even bigger and began to prop himself up on his elbows. "Now, can you show me your new Shardblade?"

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed. I played with the timing of the end of the book a little, but I figured it would be okay. Also Eshonai totally survived the Highstorms. She's 100% A-OK.**

 **Thank you for reading!**


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